new years resolution

1. to stop calling my dog stupid despite the obvious.
2. to feed him on time and not after midnight.
3. stop feeding him roti canai and bak pau for dinner
4. alcohol is a NO NO for dogs
5. try to understand that its normal for dogs to try to kill you by biting off your car brake cable when you dont feed him on time
6. come to terms that my dog is actually a pussy and a lousy guard dog.
7. find a shrink for my dog so that he will stop playing with the neighbour's cat.
8. bathe my dog at least twice a year
9. teach my dog to like indians more
10. find a bitch for him to mate so that he wont be so hyperactive and deprived

women's rights

this is the reason why we will always remain a third world country and islam will be thought as a chauvinistic religion.

dont get me wrong, im not a religious bigot. im no expert in islamic laws and teachings, but i believe that islam in its truest form is neither chauvinistic nor violent. but it is sad to see our political leaders bowing down to pressure from the so called 'religious leaders' and 'protectors of islam' whose mentality had far exceeded their sell-by date.

it seems to me that politician from both side of the line(UMNO and PAS) seem to be in this eternal battle to grab the the title as the 'most islamic' party in the country. i will say its a good thing if they were sincere in bringing the muslim rakyat nearer to God, but the matter of fact is their actions are motivated solely by the desire to garner as much votes as possible. the only time you see those two side coming together (the MEN that is) is when something which serve their own self interest comes to the fore, eg: easier polygamy rights.

Women, Family and Community Development Minister Datuk Seri Shahrizat said the decision to rush the Bill through despite the acknowledgement that it was defective was to honour the agreement between the Government and the Rulers Council in 2003 when both parties agreed to standardise Syariah laws in the country. its time like this that the leader of this great nation, MALAYSIA, should stand up and be counted for. it is his duty to protect the rights of the rakyat, irregardless if its the rights of a man or a woman. so what if he pisses of some pompous individuals with yellow umbrellas. his duty is not to them but to the people who put gave him and his party the mandate to rule the country.

another issues brought about by the passing of this law is the overlapping of function between the executive and legislature. it comes as no suprise that the women senators were angry bout the family law and were planning to vote against it. all talks of breaking rank were brought to an abrupt end when Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Datuk Seri Nazri Aziz had a private meeting with them. it was reported that the senators were visible shaken after the meeting. so its no suprise that the law was passed in the dewan negara unopposed.

are we living in a democratic country or a tyrant state?? a senator or an elected MP should be allowed to vote for a bill according to their conscience. whats the purpose of having an elected democratic if they can only vote for what they are told to vote for. this is not the first time and it wont be the last time either.

Datuk Dayang Mahani Tun Pengiran Ahmad Raffae of Sabah said “I apologised to my daughter that I, as a legislator, am powerless to do anything else. It is against my conscience. I give my support on condition that the amendments will be taken into account.”

oh come on!! if you are seriously against it, resign in protest. that will definately throw more light to the fight. why vote and say that you vote under protest. a vote is a vote, irregarless.

for the sake of the women in this country, i do hope the PM keeps his word and ammend the law.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!!!

was at church yesterday for xmas mass yesterday. should see how some of the girls dressed. it was breast galore.

fulamak!!!

my hats off to all the priest in the world(except those homo priests). dont know how they can remain celibate.

God must be crazy 4

WAH LAU WEII!!!!! GOT OR NOT!!!

those were my first thoughts when i was elected President of my college's catholic society. im sure those same words are going thru your minds as you digest what i just wrote.

me??? ME!!!! me leading a catholic society?? a spiritual society?? do this peopl who voted me know that im an obsesive compulsive sinner?? if i dont sin i cant sleep. do they know that i was the one responsible for repopularizing the word "KANINEH" and "KAU BU EH NEH."

deiii..... this is not right wei. god must be bored again. this must be one of his pratical jokes.

when my name was proposed by the members, i declined to put myself up for election. i mean, come on. i dont have the moral right or integrity to do so. back in india, i used to go late to church on purpose cause whenever i go early the priest will ask me to do the reading for the mass. now, its not that i have a lack of desire in serving the church or fear for public speaking(ok la, maybe a bit) but more because i fear i might accidentaly curse up there on the alter. i have this reflex reaction where i cursed in hokkien whenever i trip over something or say something by mistake. imagine me climbing up to the altar, trip over the steps, fall and shout "MAI CIBAI!!" its not like those local indians would understand anything, but it aint the right thing to do in god' s house.

my gf said this is probably a first step towards priesthood. yeah right!! i feel more like the devil's undercover agent more than anything else.

if i were to be a priest, in 9 months time i will be busy baptizing infants.

ophthalmology

just finished my ophthalmology posting last week.

on the third day of the posting, i got blasted from my the lecturer for spelling ophthalmology wrongly. i spelt it as "opthamologi." i did it partly because i was in a rush and also because of my KBSM education. if anything goes wrong, blame the government :)

i NEVER NEVER want to go for an eye surgery!!! its freaky man!! observed a few cataract surgery. first they inject anesthesia into your eyeball. how will you react if someone is going to prick your eye with a needle!! then when the LA kicks in, they start poking all kind of sharp metal instrument into your eyes. and through the whole procedure, you get to see all the metal cutters approaching your eyes and as they worked around your eye.

aawweekkkk!!!!

saw a few freak accidents to. this ex-army guy was driving with his window down. an on coming car hit his side view mirror and the broken pieces penetrated his cornea. gonna be blind unless he goes for a cornea transplant.

there was this sad case also. 22 year old guy who was cutting some metal pieces when a small metal sharpnel broke through his protective eye wear and penetrated his eye. to his misfortune, his eyeball got infected and he has something called 'endophthalmitis.' basically its a real fuck up infection of the eye. the infection was not responding to treatment and the doctor had no choice but to eviscerate his eye. its a procedure where they remove every content of the eye except the outer scleral layer.

shitty man....

con man

been enjoying myself the past few weeks with my brother's new Play Station 2. it was a sort of a reward for getting 5As in the UPSR. my sister, mom and i chipped in to get it for him.

actually, we never really thought he will do so well for his exams. his teachers were shocked. his friends and friends' parent were schoked. we were really suprised. dont get me wrong, its not like we looked down on his intelligence. but if you knew my brother you will be shocked as well.

his main purpose to go to school is not to study. ok ok... we were the same at that time. but we go to school to have fun and play with friends and etc etc. he on the other hand, goes to school for sole purpose of making money. for a 12 year old, he sure has a shrewed brain.

for example, he buys the STAR newspaper which cost RM1.20. he will then go to friend A and offer to share it with him. so friend A pays him RM0.60. he repeats the same thing with friend B,C and D. so at the end of the day he makes RM1.20. on a good day it can go up to friend E, F, G....

others business venture includes selling old archie comics which he collects from all over the house for RM3 (MPH sells is for RM6 for a new one), trading cards, wrestling stickers etc. there was once an old uncle gave him a big bag of marbles. there were like some 300 marbles in it. so he sold it for RM1 for 5 marbles. his friends who are in the same 'line' ocassionally get caught by teachers but he never does.

the head prefect probably got bribed.

casino

was in gentings a few weeks back. been there many times but this will be my first time entering the casino.

sadly, my first visit was a real disappoinment. i have always imagined cun chicks wearing sexy glittering dresses with slit running up all the way up their ass serving us cocktails and excited men, with woman with DD breast at their side, shouting their lungs out with joy or despair.

instead, all i saw were sad looking female employees dressed in boring office suits giving away free casino membership cards instead of cocktails. no woman with DD breast. just old aunties wearing t-shirts of the Petronas Twin Towers...with their tits hanging at the foot of the twin towers. everything seem so grim and depressing. matter of fact, the whole time i was there i dont remember seeing anyone smiling.

but for such a depressing place, hope seems to spring eternal. old men, continue to press on the jackpot button with their arthritic fingers, hoping to hit the BIG one despite knowing that the only 'big' thing they are gonna get at the end is a "bigger arthritic finger." old aunties who have lost everything on them, if given a chance, are willing to trade in their dentures for one more go at the crap table. believing that the next spin will be their golden spin.

even if they did strike gold, a heart attack will probably strike them down and the money will go back to the HOUSE.

shit...

no wonder Uncle Lim so bloody rich!!!

pussy shark

went to KLCC aquaria last friday and was shock to learn that sharks' have vaginas!!! not some normal pussy, but huge ass one. bigger than a woman who has given birth more than 15times. at first, i thought it was the shark's anal opening but i was told it was the vagina by one of the staff there. maybe cause im a guy. you know, we just put our 'thing' in. we dont really go and inspect the damm pussy when we are having sex. maybe i should start doing more muff diving.

unlike women, one look and they know wat it is. when my gf saw it, she went, "hhhmmmm...that looks familiar."

dont ask me, i also dont know how in hell she sees her own pussy.

visit to the dentist

i hate going to the dentist!!!

had to go to the dentist today cause my gums were sore and bleeding for the past 4 days whenever i brush my teeth. decided to go to the goverment clinic to save me self some money for my genting trip this weekend.

my last dental check up was 4mths back. it was a nightmare experience. the dentist was at it for an hour straight. at the end of it, i had cramps on my arms cause i was gripping the seat handle so hard out of pain and fear, i think i almost yank it out. at some point, it felt like he was going to rip my entire jaw out. plus, it didnt help to have a bitchy kepoh aunties/nurses by your side who expects you to converse with them when you have 3 different types of metal instrument raping your mouth:

jinjang nurse: wah boy, your teeth so tellible one ah!! all bengkok in bengkok out like that.
me: ah lor, ark tru drooo(ya lor, what to do)
jinjang nurse: i think hor, you must wear braces. what you think ah loctor??
doctor: yeah. but not necessary la.
jinjang nurse: no lar loctor. i think have to la. just have to cabut this gigi here...this one here and that one olso. 3 gigi only. not much pain hor boy?? you want to put or not??
me: ark uuu!!!(fuck you!!)
jinjang nurse: there loctor, he said "i do"

at that point i felt sign language was a better way of transmitting my thoughts across. so i tried to show her my middle finger but then she was holding my hands firmly saying, " ah yor boy, no need so scared ah.... aunty here ok!!!"

mai lau kunyang!!! (bloody old virgin)

rasuah

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

what a joke

sports competition

its that time of the year again...its the college interbatch competion. the different batches/classes pit against each other in all kind of sports. football, basketball, tennis, badminton etc.

unlike most sports competition where a new a hero is born or an inspiring come back victory unfolds, the interbatch is famous for unearthing the darkest,pariah-est animalistic side of many of the students.

sportsmanship.....what that???

honesty....its for idiots only

fair play.....what you crazy!!! you want to lose!!!

to some batches, it is all about winning. losing is not an option. they feel they will be line up and shot communist style if they lose. friendship takes a momentary back seat. its all about glory for your batch....or rather, self glory actually. the politics that goes along with the team selection will make UMNO politics look like kids play. serious. the amount of back stabbing that goes around, you'll be suprise that the person being back stab doesnt bleed for real.

even the girls suprised me with their level of 'intensity.' netball games are not for the faint of heart. hair pulling is not uncommon. cat fights are a norm. shouts (or whispers) of "YOU BITCH" can be heard all thru the game.

supporters invading the courts or field happen sometimes. usually in protest of a referee decision or to upgrade a cat fight to a full fledge Royal Rumble. We medical students, always looking for reason to fight to release all that negetive stress accumulating in us.

so what drive these people to act the way they do? to act like a bunch of cavemen. is it the competitive spirit that all medical students have?? the desire to win and be the best?? or is because of pride and ego??

i think its just the effect of surgery posting

malaysian blockbuster

tonight on TV3 at 10pm: I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST RAYA.
its about 5 friends who killed a person in an accident during the last raya.

maksyallah!!

no wonder astro making so much money

hokkien blog

to all my hokkien brothers and sisters out there, i've found the ultimate hokkien blog(thanks to L***a). see beh farnee. should read it.

to all my south indian friends, sorry, but i still cant find RAJINIKANTH's blog. i think he still havent come out with a blog yet. dont think he knows how to on a computer. wahaha....

HAPPY DWIWALI TO YOU ALL!!!

click on the link on the right side of the page.

sepet-in reality

was watching the movie "Guess Who" (bernie mac & ashton kutcher) last night. after that couldnt sleep well the whole night. the movie is about a black father who finds out that his beloved daughter is dating a white boy. so he sets out to destroy the poor white guy...for being white.

i dread the day when my gf's dad finds out that daddy's little girl is dating a pork loving melanin challenge guy from jin-jang land. wonder what he'll do to me then. probably tells me that the only way im going to marry his daughter is if i pour tar and bitumen all over myself.

couldnt sleep at all. kept on imagining that her dad was going to jump out of the closet and hack me to death, like in "i know what you did last summer.' actually its more like "i know wat you did, you chinko pig!!". what am i going to say when her father objects to us?? "aisay macha, im just going to have sex with your little girl and have little kopi susu children. no big deal, right not??!"

god damm!!

Tennis match

Date: 2 Nov 2005
Time: 5.30pm
Venue: Court D, Ayer Keroh Country Club
Opponent: Master Foo, my former tennis coach. now age 52.
My game plan: make the old man run like hell with controlled cross court forehand and backhands and ocassional drop shots. then when he is tired, start using power shots.
Final result:6-2, i lost.
what happen??: the old man made me run like hell with controlled cross court forehand and backhands and ocassional drop shots. then when i was tired, started using power shots.
Conclusion: the buggar has mind reading power and i need to lose some serious weight.

University Malaya

in a survey publised by 'The Times Higher Education Supplement' (THES) last week, it showed that our premier university, University Malaya, lying at a lowly 169 out of. a sharp fall from 89 the previous year. and this is what the vice chancellor had to say, "I want to share my happiness with you that although there are so many universities in the world, we are number 169."

Cant believe that we, a nation aspiring to be a developed country, have such a pathetic and 'tidak apa' response to something such as important as this. its our premier univeristy man!!

malaysia boleh indeed.....

instead of outlining ways of stopping the rot, which has been there since independence, this guy actually rejoicing that UM is at 169 place. no doubt there are 30 000 other universities in the survey, and 169 might not seem that bad. but it is time for us to start comparing and competing with the best in the world. not with the worst of the lot. reasons must be given why there is a drop of 80 places. its our premier univeristy!! its the pride of the nation.

God dammit! do something bout it!!

its the holidays again. that means the old half dead melaka is...fully dead. at least from my point of view. all me college mates went back to their respective home towns. old friends from secondary school dont call melaka their home no more.

so for the next one week, its just me, my retarded dog Prince and my diet crazy flower horn fish. never did bother to name my flower horn. reason for it is because most guys dont do it and the damm thing is probably gonna die soon from aneroxia. i dont know why i bother feeding it everyday when it doesnt want to eat in the first place. im just wasting my money on fish food.

Prince on the other hand is just a glutton. i think i cultivated it. his favourite foods are roti telur, bak pau, chicken rice and char seoh peng. just like me. i thought of giving it wan tan mee, but hey, i think its disrespectful to that holly food. if you were to do a lipid profile on that dog, i guess it will definately have high cholestrol as well, just like me.

graffiti

was walking up the stairs to the college computer lab when i saw this writen on the wall: MMMC-(Money Making Medical College)

its friday again....

damm it!!!

been down with the flu for the past two days. been popping anti-histamines and strepsils like a junkie craving for a kick....yeah, kick the mucus out of my nose. none seem to having much of an effect though.

rather than stay at home rotting with a red nose, thought i'll go watch "DOOM" with some friends. the Rock has alyways been my favourite wrestler after the legendary Hulk Hogan. HULKAMANIA RULESSSS..... some boys never do grow up.

neways, going to be another bored weekend. gf went back to her hometown cause they are having a house warming and some blessings for the new house they are moving in. she is a hindu and im a christian. throughout our relationship, i;ve been exposed to many hindu believes and practices. some i find interesting, some just down right puzzling. for instance, to ensure prosperity and wealth to the family moving into the new house, they actually hire a cow to URINATE in the living room. and it aint just any cow, its trained to walk on marble steps. it seems normal cows cant do that. they can train the cow to walk on marbles but they sure cant train the damm thing to pee at command. so wat they do is forced the poor creature to drink a whole bucket full of sugar water(by forcing its head into the bucket) and voila....it pees.

damm... i dread the day when we marry and move in to our new house.

any damm animal that dares pee on my house will end up on my dining table.

my fears and my dreams

just came back from dinner wit old school friends. when going out with friends who are working, they always insist in paying for everything. its good at times, especially when its towards the end of the month and there is only like RM2.55 left of my pocket money. but at times, i feel like a parasite. you know that feeling... you feel relieved but at the same time you feel like.... a parasite. ok another metaphor: like a good catholic boy having premarital sex. he enjoys the experience(especially the cum part) but the burden of having sinned weighs heavily on him. well something like tat. if you cant imagine in it...pi mampus la. lu bukan manusia :)

im not from a well off family. when my dad was around we were considered above average. conditions now are not THAT bad, we stil get along comfortably, but maybe the luxury lifestyle aint there anymore. still we are better off compared to many other millions living in poverty. i've got a roof over my head, the love of my family and gf and the chance to pursue my dreams of becoming a doctor.

ever since i was young, i was inspired by my dad's work of charity. he never boasted bout it. never seek fame nor recognition for it. always putting the need of those really in need above himself. my sister would tell you he sometimes even put it above his family. at that time, i always told myself thats the kind of doctor i want to be. a selfless one. where money is secondary. you know, probably go to the outskirts of sabah or sarawak or to some real poor country to serve.

a divine calling?? or maybe just plain idealism borned from my naive thinking at that time.

but as i grow older and older, financial insecurity trails me like a shadow. month after month i struggle to find just that extra cash to go by. somehow or rather something will definately break a part and needs repairing. i dont smoke. i drink ocassionally in the comforts of my own home(so i dont need to pay thru my nose in the clubs) with duty free liquor. i dont buy expensive clothes. i dont spend on my gf.and she is really understanding of my financial situation for which im truly greatful. actually she spends more on me. again the parasite feeling but this time even worst.but somehow or rather money is never enough to go by.

then there is the constant headache when its time to pay my anual tuition fee. medical school is not cheap. and for some reason, my batch was denied the RM20 000 PTPTN loan. but by the grace of god, my mom always find enough money to pay the fees.

all these financial problems slowly made me realised how important money really is. one day when i become a father, i wouldnt want my children to worry bout their tuition fees. i dont want them to miss out of achieving their dreams just because their dad cant afford it. then there is the personal desire to have earthly materials. who wants to drive a cheap car which breaks down all the time when you can drive a sleek continental car which assures you a comfortable, safe and quality ride. why go to port dickson for a holiday when you can make enough money to take your family to the maldives or the carribeans. why live in a small house and be force to bear with noisy inconsiderate neighbours when you can live in a bungalow in an exclusive neighbourhood where you can have your own privacy with peace and tranquility.

i once told a friend before entering med school that my greatest fear is graduating as a doctor but forgetting why i became one in the first place. half way thru med school, the fear is becoming greater than ever. we as human being, with a larger cortex, have the ability to find reasons to justify all our actions. there can be only two outcome in the end:

1)stick true to the real reason why i become a doctor or

2)become all that i've feared i would be...worst still, find a reason to justify it.







ps/ i would like to inform all those who read my blog that this article is a personal thought and feeling. at no time am i trying to potray myself an image of a moral person. i am not trying to degrade the aspiration or the path that you have decided to choose in your life, whatever that might be. each of us are motivated by a certain reason to be who we want to be and live the life we want to lead and the fear that comes with it. these are MY reasons and MY fears.

new book

you know wat, i just cant beleive how expensive books in this country. year after year the goverment had been harping that malaysians should cultivate a reading habit. but how do the younger generations develop this habit when the cost of a book is nothing less than RM30. one might suggest the public library as an alternative but the simple fact is that our public library is so poorly stock that it just pointless.

anyway, just bought two books 'alias chin peng: my side of history'(RM70)and 'to digress a little'(RM38).

currently, am now half way thru reading the chin peng book. its a really good read. anyone interested in malaysian history and politics should read it. it gives an alternative view of the involvement of CPM(communist party of Malaya) during the japanese occupation and the subsequent 12 years Emergency period. we should not formed a final conclusion on the role of CPM based on what we've been studying from the history textbook.

for instance, we were told that immediately after the japanese surrender, the MPAJA(malayan people against Japenese army), the military wing of the CPM, went on a killing rampage for 3 weeks until the arrival of the British. it was claimed that the MPAJA, which was predominatly chinese, were targeting the malays and all those who collaborated with the japanese. in the book, chin peng did not deny the fact that they did kill the colaborators, but he deny they were systematically killing the malays. what happen was 3 japanese soldiers disguised in the MPAJA uniform killed a pig in a mosque in johor. the malays believing that they were really chinese, got real mad and started attacking chinese settlements with their parangs. the outnumbered and defenceless chinese villagers sought protection from the CPM. the CPM responded by forming boundaries around the chinese settlements. they warned the malays not to cross the line or they would be shot. the malays with their parangs, believing that they would be invisible to bullets because of their magical amulet, crossed anyway and were shot at. seeing their leaders drop dead, the rest begin to scatter away. things only came back to normal after dato Jaafar Onn went to explained matters to the malays.

there are many other interesting facts that were never told to us. if you get the chance, go read the book.

roller coaster

just finished watching CSI season 4. there was this one episode bout a roller coaster ride went wrong. the whole car jumped from the track and crashed landed killing all five. someone sabotaged it.

damm!! never gonna ride on a roller coaster again. i've never been a big fan of all these terror rides anyway. the last time i rode one was three years back in gentings. it was called the cockscrew(or something like tat). i was with my ex gf. it was a pretty big hit with the crowds. we had to wait for 45 mins to jump onto that terror on wheels. i was trying all kind of tricks so tat i could escape from the ride but she was not buying it. was forced to lie. told her tat nature is calling-the BIG one, and i really had to go or else vomit wont be the only thing i will be excreting during the ride. she reluctantly let me go.

so there i was drinking a coke with a kit kat chocolate thinking wat a brilliant conman i was. after twenty mins, went back to the roller coaster thinking it was well over my turn. to my suprise, she was still lining up. and we are second in line. i thought of running, but then she caught sight of me. so had no choice but to walk to the line. at that time i was more depressed than scared. cant believe my last meal on earth was a bar of kit kat with coke.

before us were an indian family tat included two very very very old ladies. my ex gf thought it was very brave and daring of them to hope into the ride and she gave me the, 'YOU PUSSY' look. told her they were probably to senile to know wat they are doing.

well, the grandmas survived the ride without any heart attack or dentures flying off. that gave me renewed confidence tat i might actually survive the ride. so we hopped into the car. the ride was quick. very quick.

she had her hands up in the air. i was holding on the bar for dear life. she was laughing and screaming in ecstasy. i was saying the 'Our Father' under my breath. there was one part where i felt my stomach turned upside down and i thought i was going to puke but thankfully nothing happen.

before i knew it, it was all over. i checked myself. i was still in one piece. i checked my pants. nope didnt shit or pee in it. turned to look at the couple behind me. their faces were clean. so nope, didnt puke either.

ahhhhh....im a MAN now.

she asked me whether i enjoyed the scenary from up there. told her nope, i had my eyes closed.

ugliest animal alive

this is one ugly matha fucka!!! its a dog, if you guys are still figuring wat it is. it looks like its satan's very own pet dog who ran away.



its a pure breed HAIRLESS CHINESE CRESTED DOG. (hey kanineh!! not all chinese have desert skin ok!)PURE BREED I TELL YOU!! dont play play. and its got a name to, SAM(not to be mistaken with my friend sam. he's ugly but not tat ugly. haha sorry sam). apparently sam is the reigning champion in the "WORLD UGLIEST DOG" contest (2003, 2004, 2005).



there is a whole website dedicated to that dog written by its owner. apparently its kind of a celebrity back in the States. been appearing on talk shows and wat not.crazy americans. back here it probably end up in somebody's bowl (not mine though).

they are even selling t-shirts and magnets of SAM. and SAM's mug is coming real soon. (ooo goodie goodie we all cant wait. pffft...)the magnet cost USD$7.00 and the t-shirt is USD$18.00. wear that t-shirt to a club, even a stray dog diggin thru the garbage wont be attracted to you let alone a babe.well, maybe if its an ah lian. tats different. they probably go, "wah so cute one leh. just like hello kitty!hehe,"



go check out the site http://www.samugliestdog.com/

exotic dinner

ATTENTION ALL ANIMAL LOVERS!!! DONT READ THIS!!!

two weeks back me and 7 others drove for 40mins to macap baru to try the famed macap baru wild animal dinner.the exotic meal was awesome. we had wild boar, bats, deer, tortoise soup, squirel, fox and biawak. the only thing normal on the table was the pork and veggie.

if an animal lover or a vagen was there, they would probably die of a heart attack(hey, we can then feed them to the biawak or python to fatten them up for our next meal)

wild boar taste exatly like pork. only difference is that its not as juicy as your domestic bred pigs. guess all the running from over enthusiastic hunters with guns keep these wild swines pretty lean. probably they should legalized wild boar meat. definately will decrease the incidence of cardiovascular disease among the chinese.
yeah boy!! keep it going!! we need more of you on the table!!

what happens when a chinaman sees a wild boar crossing the road??



squirels are ok if they give you the right parts. the worst parts to eat are the ribs. it will look like a nice thin piece of meat. but when you put it in your mouth and start chewing, its all bony. a real bitch to eat. but if you are those kind of ppl who like your chicken rice with bony chicken parts, then maybe you'll enjoy it. anyway, they are such darn cute animals. eat something else la... i mean its like eating alvin the chipmunk(wait a minute...are chipmunks and squirels the same thing)

bats are just simply delicious. at one point we didnt know we were having bats. we thought we were having a fox cause it was pretty meaty. i had a bat drumstick!! bet you dont get those at KFC. finger licking good.



"where the hell are all those bats?? Has the chinese invaded Gotham??"



tortoise soup was great but the cook put a little to much herb in it. the best part of the tortoise are the tendons. its neither soft nor hard. cant explain. alah...kasi makan cukup la. i would not eleborate on how they slaughter the tortoise. pretty brutal actually.


"ARGGHH....chinaman!! chinaman!!! CRAWL!!CRAWL!!"



biawak when cook with curry, taste simply....orgasmic!!i was told its the only way you can cook it. cause only with curry powder can its bad smell be masked. they cut it into small pieces and add lots of curry powder and curry leaves. you got to eat using your hand cause its easier that way compared to using the fork and spoon. it taste like chicken actually. the only give away was its 'boniness'(however you spell that).

at the end of dinner, we came to the conclusion that when it comes to eating habits you can classify God's creation into the following groups:



Carnivores







Herbivores







Omnivores








Chinese (Wah lau weh...dinner to good. beh tahan ah!!! Need to sleep man)

sam and vj-goodbye guys

sam's funeral was held at christ church, melaka(near the historical buildings). his family were anglicans. the small church was packed to the brim with family members, lecturers, friends and church members amounting to around 300-350 people. it was a simple, short and meaningful ceremony. towards the end, when we were allowed to pay our last respect, his mother just lost it. she was a figure of strength and optimism all thru the ordeal until then. she broke down and was begining to cry loudly. it was just so....so sad. so fucking sad man!! i could understand how she felt. i could actually feel it. i dont know how i held back my tears. my eyes were ready to burst but i would not allow myself to go there. i dont know why.




SAMUEL ANANDAM RICHARDS
23 Sept 1982-14 Sept 2005







sam was burried at the cheng christian cemetary. being a malaccan, i was leading the rest of my friends to the cemetary. brought them to the wrong cemetary. can you imagine the stupidity. i thought that the malim christian cemetary was the same thing as the cheng cemetary. so i was leading some 10 cars or so on a merry go round. pissed with myself for tat. when we did find the place. he was already half burried.

we lingered on till everything was done. said our last condolences to the family and left. that night we had dinner at the restaurent where sam and vj last ate before their tragic accident. the food was really good. but the memories were better.





Vijay Francis Jayabalan
13 Sept 1981-4 Sept 2005









Vj and sam were like brothers. they were inseperable since their time in india. if you see one you'll see another. both were really friendly individuals but they have their distinct characteristic. sam is a pratical joker. he can tell a joke with a straight face. sometimes, you just dont know whether he is telling a joke or he is being serious. and when you really start to think he is being serious he'll go, "Nah, im just kidding. dont be fucking stupid."
Sam is famous for his late nigth sms which was always meaningless and purposeless. his most famous one was this: whats the difference between Gareth and a bucket of shit? the BUCKET. gareth was a classmate of ours.

in comparison, VJ was more of a serious person. a person who you can really talk to. he grew up in india so he really knew a lot bout the country. he helped me a lot when i was planning my trip to south india. we became close because of the time we spent together in Izone(a cyber cafe in manipal). he was trying in vain to get me started on the game Warcraft. he just couldnt understand why i love my championship manager so much. we could sometimes spent hours talking to each other as we played side by side, he with his warcraft and me in my make believe football management. for some strange reason he always calls me "mr.Justine" and not just "justine" as the rest do. so to reply the 'compliment' i addressed him as "Mr Vj." it was weird in a sense but it was something special we shared with one another.

some interesting facts bout Vj and Sam. both their birth days were 10 days apart. and they died 10 days apart from each other. both died 9 days before their birthdays.
coincidence?

maybe.

fate?

very well could be.




The tide recedes but leaves behind
bright seashells on the sand
The sun goes down but gentle
warmth still lingers on the land
the music stops and yet it echoes
on in sweet refrains...
For every joy that passes,
something beautiful remains.

May the Lord bless you and keep you
May His face shine upon you
and be gracious to you
May He look upon you in kindness and mercy
May you rest in His love and peace
Till we meet again....

Take care dudes!! we'll always remember you!!

cause of sam's death

the post mortem revealed the cause of death as pulmonary embolism. they found a 3 inch blod clot in the artery leading to the lungs. the calf acts as the 'peripheral heart.' each time you walk or contract the calf muscle, blood is being pumped back into the heart. if for some reason you are not moving your legs for a long time(paralysis, fracture, coma,long distance flight aka economy class syndrome), there will be stasis of blood in the leg which predisposes to clot formation. the clot can rupture and travel all the way to the heart and from there it goes to the lungs. it then blocks blood flow to the lungs. the severity of pulmonary embolism is dependent on the size of the clot. a small clot will resolve by itself. a slightly bigger one will cause localized chest pain. in the sam's case, sudden death. the pain will mimick a heart attack.

since the accident, sam has not moved at all(more than a week). he had an operation done on his left femur. he was found unconscious in the toilet. all this while, the nurses were the one helping him to the toilet. a few times he insisted that he was strong enough to do it himself but they didnt allow him to. maybe while he was walking to the toilet, the clot/embolus ruptured and then went to block his lungs. he was staying in a single room and no one was sure how long he was unconscious.

Sam's death

i cant believe it.

my friend sam just passed away this evening. few hours after i wrote my last post. we dont know why he died. the doctors dont know why either. it was so sudden. a post mortem will be done to identify the cause of death. he was out of the ICU a few days ago and his condition has been improving. he could remember everything and could speak after they removed the intubation. he was suppose to be discharged from the hospital on friday, go back to segamat and have his favourite mutton curry. he was dreaming about it.

but....he is gone now.

im so tired. been running around town helping his uncle from PJ make the funeral arrangement here in melaka. i just finished typing the funeral program for tmrw. got to go get some sleep now...if i can sleep that is.

hey vj, if you looking down now, sam is on the way up. looks like you two can continue playing pratical jokes on each other.

went up to penang last friday for vj's funeral. the mood was in total contrast to my last visit there which was 6 years ago together with the salvation army. had a whale of a time with my friends then.

things were more depressing and sombre this time around. the funeral was held at the church of immaculate conception. it was a grand funeral with more than 150 in attendance. 44 of us classmates made the trip up. upon the request of vj's dad, we wore our white lab coats for the funeral service as a show of support. me and seven other classmates carried the coffin in while the rest lined both sides of the aisle from the entrance all the way to the altar.

the sermon by the priest was fantastic and so were the eulogies. befitting for a great person like vj. his remains were cremated and the ashes taken back to the US where his mother and sister now lives.

in this short life on mine, i personally had experienced the lost of someone close to me 6 times. the first was my dad's death when i was 15. it was a terrible personal tragedy and the iccident had a profound impact on my perception and way of life. till this day i feel uncomfortable watching with others an emotional scene involving a person's death on tv or in the cinema because it reminds me to much of my father's death and the mistakes i had made as a son. the sad and unwanted memories, all held up in a reservoir of despair at a corner of my mind, will come bursting through cracks on the wall, flooding and sinking my emotions. the only thing preventing me from crying is my sense of pride and ego.

but one thing i never did lose then was a sense of immortality. it was like, 'this is just going to happen once and thats it.' but as time passed by, more deaths followed and the sense of immortality begin to dissapear like morning dew slowly evaporating on a hot day. the fear that someone i really love might just go like that weighs heavily in my heart. sometimes, the mere thought of it makes me tear.

but i guess when it comes to matter pertaining to life and death, we are sometimes powerless to do anything bout it. faith in the Almighty is the only way. for in life, we as mortals can only do so much to predict the outcome of life. for all the uncertainty, the only thing certain in life is death.

two weeks ago i had my first posting in the labour theather. since im still in a junior stage of my medical program, i was there just to observe how things were being done. the first one and half hour went by boringly. i was with a mother who was just 6cm dilated. all i did was observe the cardiotopograph(instrument to measure the foetal heart rate and uterus contraction) and time the uterine contraction. was cursing my luck for picking the wrong mother cause by the time she is fully dilated(10cm) and ready to give birth, i will have to leave for my group discussion. but it was nice talking to the mother in between contraction. she is the same age as i. the nurses were nice and friendly. one senior nurse thought me quite a lot about vaginal examination.

at around 10.30, one of the doctor came in and asked me whether i was interested in doing a vaginal examination and an ARM(artificial rupture of membrane).

HOLLY SHIT!!! an ARM!!! i;ve never seen an ARM let alone do one. i've never seen the instrument used in an ARM before. what i had in my mind was this long metal rod with a big hook at the end of it. something like what the dentist use to dig in between your teeth, only in my mind it was bigger....much bigger. so i was afraid i might rupture more than just the membrane. hell, i might actually punture and hook the uterus and the baby's head. imagine seeing your newborn connected to the end of a metal rod.

so i chickened out. i told her i was new and had no experience. so she told me to do just the vaginal examination(later i saw that the ARM instrument was just a plastic rod the length of a pencil with a tiny weeenny hook at the end. guess i need to take some drugs to control my imagination).the lady was lying supine on the bed with her legs spread wide open and very much in pain.you'll be suprise how much the vagina can expand when a lady is in labor. we are suppose to put two fingers in but KNN, my entire hand almost went it man. talk about fisting!!! god damm!!!

thru the mother's shouts and groan of pain, there i was pretending to be an expert at what i do and telling the lady to breathe and relax. im sure if she was not in so much pain, she would have gotten up and whack me with the kidney tray and say, "RELAXS KEPALA HOTAK ENGKAU!! CUBA ENGKAU BERANAK LA, JANTAN SIAL!!!" well, thank god she was in pain.

after the doctor ruptured the membrane, clear fluid came out first. then came all the ooze with blood. and i had to hold the kidney tray near the lady's butt to try to prevent it from soiling the bed. oooh man.....lost all appetite for lunch.

but hey, 1month of this and i'll lose some serious weight. but for now i'll just have to live with the pregnant tummy of mine.

suicide in the hospital

few days back, a guy killed himself in the hospital i was posted in. he was a burmese psychiatric patient who was warded in the surgery ward which was on the 4th floor. he had just undergone a surgical procedure. for reasons only known to him, he left his bed and climbed on to the window ledge. my surgery lecturer saw him on the window ledge and tried to talk him down while all the nurses stood there. all to stunned to do anything. since he was a burmese guy i guess he didnt understand what my lecturer was saying and jumped off anyway. the lecturer managed to catch hold off his hand but couldnt get a firm grip and the guy's hand slipped off. he fell and landed on the cement floor on his head.

when i passed by the site where he landed an hour later, it was already cleaned up but you could see a big dark stain with some pinkish white materials around the area. must be the brain tissues.

the next day, none of of the local papers carried the story.was it because he was just some crazy burmese guy?? to insignificant to be mention. or was it a good cover up by the hospital administrator??

why was the guy not restrained if he was a psych patient?? what if he didnt jumped down but start to attack other patients and hospital staff??

who then should be responsible??

between the age of 7 and 18, the day i hated the most every year was report card day. i was never a good student. worst still, i was never one who did my homework. so one week before report card day i would be shitting bricks already. and when that day eventually comes, my mom will stop her car at her favorite sundry shop and get the fattest thickest rotan she can find. once we reach the house, the catching game starts. she will be chasing me with the rotan on her left hand and the report card on the right hand. i will be shouting for my grandma and my dog. once i locked myself in my dad;s old volvo240 and got stuck in it for 30mins. thank god my grandma heard me banging on the trunk.

anyway, 2 weeks back the roles were reversed. mom was to busy with work in the shop so she send me to go collect my 12 year old brother;s report card. it was a walk down memory lane. my old primary school certainly hadnt changed much. the walls was in need of a new coat of paint. i had to wait in line with a bunch of uncles and aunties... ok ok...fathers and mothers. all of them were busy discussing bout their sons. i really felt out of place. suddenly this woman turned aroung and asked me, "which is your son??"

MY SON!!! cau cibai!!! never felt so insulted before. im just 23 years old. do i look like your husband's age?!?!?

fuck...its must be my tummy la. it was then that i decided that im gonna blow my first pay cheque on liposuction and a tummy tuck.

thru my hemorrhaging ego i told her that im here for my younger brother. and then she went 'ohhh' and embarrassment was written all over her face. she got over her embarrassment pretty fast cause a few minutes later she was complaining to me bout her son being lazy and and not studying hard. damm woman....do i look like i give a shit!!! and she kept on going and going going until it was my turn to go in. thank god.

it was good to see my old teacher. he was suprised when i told him i was his ex student. after telling him wat year i left standard 6 he went, 'oh yes yes..... kenny, james, madhu, adrian, andrew, kevin,darren, marvin, kenneth, gilbert, seet, lee, hafiz were all your classmates right!?!''

i went,"ah correct correct!! wah sir still can remember after so long ah,"

"sure can la. you all my student wat!!! anyway, whats your name ah??"

he remembers half the class but he couldnt find space for me in his memory. how touching.

after listening to him bout my brother;s academic performance in school, i thank him and left the class. on my way out, i stop in front of the lady who thought i was a father and said to her, "ok im going now. it was nice meeting you AUNTIE!"

when she heard that, she looked like she just got slapped.

revenge is sweet....

MJ is cuming

fans of MJ in malaysia are going wild with excitement with reports saying that the "king of pop/paedophile" is coming to malaysia to perform in a charity concert to raise funds for HIV infected childrens. the concert which is themed "Cum as one for charity" will act as a perfect platform for MJ to repair his battered image after the recent child molestation trial. On why funds are raised just for HIV childrens and not for children with cancer, an aide close to MJ was reported to have said that the singer is fed up with cancer patients who has a tendency to 'kiss and tell.' the singer is said to feel strongly about this issue and is hurt that the boys are selling stories about their sex-capades to the tabloids.

in order to potray a more honest image of himself to his fans, jackson has indicated that there will be major changes to all his previous hit songs, and the malaysian fans will have the chance to be the first in the world to hear them. among the songs which will be reproduced are Black or White(i love them all), Billie Jean is not my lover(she is just a girl after all), Heal my face(make it a better face) and You are not alone(i am here with you...on the bed). talks are also in progress to have MJ and britney spears do a duet on britney's debut hit song "Oops, i did it again." MJ is also seeking the right from MC Hammer to reproduce and perform Hammer's hit song "Cant touch this." the reproduced song will be titled "Cant sue me!!"

it was also learnt that Elton John had also written to MJ saying that he will like to perform with him, on stage and backstage, but was told nicely by people in MJ's camp that MJ prefer younger boys to him.

female fans, however, will not be happy to learn of reports that only boys under the age of 12 will have free back stage passes. when contacted, MJ said that this was not true, as nurses in the reproductive age group who are working for plastic surgeons will receive free back stage passes as well.

after the trial in america, MJ indicated that he is sick and tired of the media glare in the US and he will like to settle down in asia, with cambodia or thailand his prefered choice. the singer is said to be deeply concerned bout the sex industry involving young boys there and he will do HIS PART to show these boys what TRUE LOVE is all about. a close personal friend of MJ said that the singer plans to sell off his Neverland ranch. plans are in the pipeline in either country to built a mansion with a giant bed that can accomodate more than 10 boys at once with jackson. MJ will call his new home "Nonokland."

moral police

two malay guys were charged yesterday in the syariah court for consuming alcoholic bevarages(stout) in a coffee shop. it is normal for them to get caught and prosecuted but what suprised everyone was that they were given the maximum punishment of 6 rotans for their crime.

shit man!! 6 rotans for drinking stout!! thank god i aint a muslim in this country.

i think all this 'moral policing' should stop. its unbecoming of a nation who aspires to be a developed country but is still trap in a stone age mentality. what one does in one's own life is one's own business, just as long as his action does not harm the rest of the community. even our first prime minister tungku abdul rahman is a big fan of brandy. he was once asked bout his drinking habit and the fact that he was a muslim. he famously replied, 'what i do here in my life, is between me and god when i die.'

well, its something the muslims themselves have to solve. for the rest of my friends with the 'extra skin'......... BOTTOMS UP DUDE!!!!

wantan mee's theory on human genesis

christians and scientists have been at logger heads about how we humans came to be in this planet. scientists propagate the idea that we all evolved from apes. but the problem is no one can find that missing link between us humans and our banana loving cousins. the church says that adam and eve were the first human to walk on earth and we are the products of their conception. we all know that both of them got banished from the garden of eden when they went to eat that forbiden apple(thanks to eve!!!!) and later went on to have 2 sons(cane and able). the mystery here lies in the fact that the bible does not say anything about cane and able producing more offsprings. hence there is a missing link here to.

ok so this is wantan mee's theory:

god did produced adam and eve. they were indeed the first people to have set foot on earth. but they were not made as humans, but monkeys/primates(whatever). and they were not the only monkey on earth. there were many other monkeys as well. the only difference was that adam and eve were the chosen one and they lived in the garden of eden while other monkeys had to live outside of it. why they had to live outside?? cause god said so. same reason why he made some rich and others poor. or why some are dead drop gorgeous while others have looks that make your lampah(dick) drop dead. so anyway, when adam and eve got kicked out for eating that apple, they had to live outside with the other monkeys. either cane or able(one them got killed. i cant remember who) must have had sex with one of the monkeys and produced an offspring and other monkeys were busy getting jiggy with it as well and then produced their own offsprings. the circle of life thingy then goes on and on and on....... and after thousands and million of years, with evolution and mutation we come to be what we are now.

however there is one big problem with this theory of mine. its written in the bible that god created man in his own image.

so does that mean we humans are actually worshiping a MONKEY??!!?

in the medical ward

im now posted in the medicine ward. on tuesday the case for group discussion was about this old man who was having hematuria (blood in the urine) due to warfarin over dosed. besides that he has a list of other health problems. to name a few: ischemic heart diseae, bronchial asthma, Klebsiella pneumonia, cholilethiasis etc.... warfarin was given because he was having atrial fibrilation(a condition where the heart is not beating according to a fixed rhythm). because the warfarin administration was not monitored, he had an overdosed of it. this happened in one of the private hospitals here. he was then transferred to the general hospital when his family couldnt afford to pay the astronomical medical fees the private hospital was charging for its ICU facility.

before leaving the hospital, i spoke to his god daughter for a moment. she was very concerned bout his condition especially bout his heart condition. i assured her that he was fine and that his heart would hold out just fine.

next morning when i went to the ward to do a follow up i was informed by my friend that the old man passed away during the night.

any of you guys know where i can get cyanide??

i have classses from monday to saturday. on most sundays, i mutate into a pig (yeah yeah....i know lots you think im a pig from monday to saturday as well) and sleep as though im in a coma. this use to be real easy until lately.

my immediate neighbour on the right adopted a new dog. some pariah la. the bitch (i assume. i mean, dont you agree all females irregardless of species like to grumble or bark . hehehe ), is one hell of a barker. never seems to get tired from barking. she must have some super biological clock in her. without fail, she will start barking from 7.30am till 10.30am. then she takes a breather and continues her yapping at 3.30pm till 5.30pm. and my room window is less than 2meters from where the dog is.

last weekend was a long weekend, 3rd saturday and wesak holidays. saturday morning my sleep was disturbed but i told myself i will control myself. besides, i just read gandhi's biography not to long ago. passive resistance....

on sunday her internal pariah (but very effective) rolex watch reminded her it was time to bark again. patience patience patience............ KANINEH!!!! TIAM LA KANASAI!!! (kanineh=fucking tits, tiam la=shut up, kanasai= piece of shit). that must have turned her on cause she was barking even more frantically and louder. gandhi my arse!! at that moment i felt more more like ivan the terrible. so i got up and went to my balcony to confront my neighbour. and i saw her there. sitting just beside the dog.

MAI LAU KUNIANG!!! sitting there for so long and yet she did nothing bout it. WTF!!!

when she looked up she was a bit suprised. maybe because i was still in my boxers and singlet. wat never see a yellow kuku cau before isit well!?!?

she herself was no Ms Bukit Baru ok. she was just wearing a sarong tied above her sagging tits.

i told her nicely that i was trying to sleep and the dog was disturbing me. she mumbled something in hokkien and went to calm her dog down. the dog magically shut up and i went back to my room to piggy it out again. but before you can finish saying kau bu eh neh(mother dog's tits), she started barking again.....

wat to write

damm....lost for things to write on my blog these days. the coming mid semester exams really stressing me out. so much to read. so little time. dammit!!! surgery, medicine, ong, opthamology, ent and community medicine. dont even know where to start.

guess i've been enjoying life to much since coming back to mlk. was more hardworking in india. paying the price now i guess.

today in the general hospital, met this guy who had a motorcycle accident in dec 2003. he was riding his bike when he was hit by car from behind. he flew foward and crash into a fiber glass advertisment board. the impact was so great that the helmet broke. was rushed to the mlk GH but was immediately transfered to kl gh for cranial surgery. not sure exactly wat surgery was done but part of his skull was removed. now there is a 13 x 5 cm depression on the right side of the skull. due to formation of multiple small blood clot on his right cerebral hemisphere, there is ischemia(lack of oxygen to the tissues due to decrease blood flow) of the affected area leading to lost all function on the left side of his body. according to him, the surgeon said it was not possible to operate it cause he might die in the op. now his wife has to support him and his 10 children by doing odd jobs in the village. things worsen 7 months after the accident when he started developing convulsion. he was admitted this time because he has his 3rd seizure.

sad

life can be real hard sometimes

angina and condoms

most men do not maintain the same consistency of penile erection throughout sex.so its very easy for the condom to slip out from the penis. to avoid this problem, a condom manufacturer in london has produced a new type of condom which contain the drug GTN. the drug will be applied to the tit of the condom. what it does is it helps maintain a constant dilatation of blood vessels in the penis,hence an erection can be maintain.
the thing is, GTN is also the drug of choice of angina (a type of heart problem due to decrease blood flow to the heart.the pain mimics a heart attack). i guess this is good news for all those old horny ah peks out there with a angina. during sex if they kena an angina attack, they just 'derubber' themself and suck on the condom and they will fell better.hope these new comdoms come in flavours as well.

Gone in 30 seconds

today was my first day of surgery posting in the general hospital. my lampah chee (balls) were shivering in fear even one week before the posting. the reason, the HOD is one hot head who will embarass you in front of the patients and staffs without the slightest show of sympathy or empathy. he onced made a guy stand in the middle of the ward and shout out loud 'I AM STUPID' repeatedly, for failing to answer his questions. he even chased a girl out of the ward, thru the corridor and into the elevator and the whole time calling her names of all the animals you would find in the farm, with the prefix 'stupid idiot'. he only stopped when the elevator door closed. and there were other ppl in the elevator.
but they all say he is a real nice guy after teaching hours and the only reason why he does what he does is so that the students will study. of course there are some out there who beg to differ.

personally i couldnt give a shit. i just want to survive his class with my pride and balls intact.

so the whole weekend i was reading thru my anatomy and surgery text books, remembering all the diagrams and facts that my micro brain can absorb.

woke up at 7.30am. class was at 8am. took my own sweet time to get ready. after all the hospital is just 3mins away by bike. but when i went out of the house, i realised that i had left my bike in the college and it was already 7.50am. so i had to walk to the hospital. when i reached the hospital, i kind of got lost finding my way to the surgery ward. i was never posted in the GH before. previously i was posted in the peripheral clinics.

when i finally found the room it was 8.05. i was relief cause when i popped my head in all i saw was my classmates hovering over the table and there was no sign of him. so i took a step in. JUST ONE STEP. and all the hovering heads lifted up, like the waves did when moses crossed the dead sea, and there HE was(not moses of course). his first words to me were:

GEEEEEEETTTTT OUTTTTTT!!!!

kanineh, cant be this suay rite!??! early early morning kena fuck alerady. how to kena 4D?!?!

HE: WHY ARE YOU LATE???

me: sorry sir. i got lost.

HE: GET OUT!!! THATS NOT AN EXCUSE!!! why were you lost??

me: dont know my way around sir

HE: GET OUT!!!! THAT IS NOT AN EXCUSE. HUH!!!! YOU HAD YOUR TOUR OF THE HOSPITAL DURING YOUR ORIENTATION AND YOU SAID YOU GOT LOST!!! GETTT OUTTTTTTTTT........


with that, i now have the distinction of being the record holder among my classmates for being thrown out the fastest in surgery class.

30seconds

thats how long i lasted in my fist surgery posting. the rest of my friends did slightly better. by 8.15, only 3 out of 12 people remained in class.

its going to be a real loonggg posting.

i got up at 7.30 this morning and did all i can to drag my flabby ass out of the bed. oh man, thank god this is my last day to tangkak. been going there for the past two weeks for my medicine posting. when i finished dressing, it rained heavily. i had no car or umbrella. i go to class everyday with trusty yamaha SRE and my brother's helmet which was once size smaller than my helmet (my helmet was stolen in college when i left it in the guard house. can you beat that!!! stolen in the guard house!!). so i was in a 'hmmm....should i bunk or waddle thru the rain' situation. no prizes for the right answer. all i can say is im bloody refreshed now

last week my 16 year old sister got into a motorcycle accident. she got knocked by a car from the side as she was trying to avoid a big puddle of water in front of her. thank god she didnt get hit by oncoming cars. she only had some bad cuts and bruises over her face, arms and legs. the guy who hit her was a chinese man in his 60s. when he got out of his car, instead of coming to her aid, he just stood there by his car and made a call on his handphone. at this time my sis was pretty much in shock and pain. she was crying when she asked him to take her to the general hospital which was less than 5mins drive away. he was hessitant. the reason... because his car was a new honda city and he didnt want to get it dirty with blood. two malay motorist who happened to pass by at the time, stopped and helped carried my sister up and pushed the bike to the side of the road. after much chiding and insult from the malay motorists, only did the man agreed to fetch my sis to the hospital. in the hospital, my sister received prompt and efficient medical care and treatment by the medical officer and hospital staff on duty.
since we couldnt agree on whose fault it was that caused the accident, both party agreed to make a police report so that we can file for an insurance claim.

MESRA, CEKAP DAN BETUL
in the police station, our statement was taken by a lance corporal, whose was real nice and efficient. the report was done in 30mins. he then asked me to look for and pass a document to a Sargeant K, who was suppose to be at his desk but was missing.

MESRA??
i found the sargeant sitting under a tree and talking on his hp. so i asked him nicely and politely if he was Sargeant K to which he replied, "YA YA SAYA TAU APA NAK BUAT!! YOU TAK BOLEH DIRI DAN TUNGGU SANA SEKEJAP KAH!!!" kanineh!! got screwed just because i was trying to pass on a document.

BETUL??
he appeared after 20mins. he then said he had to take the statement all over again. i dont know whether if this is a normal procedure, but dont you feel its a bit redundant to take the report all over again. and before my sister could finish her story he said to her, 'ah kau yang salah, kau yang salah. saya kena saman you rm 300 sekarang.' when he saw that no bribe was forth coming he begin to get real restless with his work. half way thru, he said to my sister, 'ah dah bosan type la. you kasi type report you sendiri.' my sister's right hand was badly bruised and there was lacerations and abrasions at the thumb, index finger and small finger. when my sister protested and said she cant type, he gave a disgusting look as if she was lying and all the wounds was just special effects from a make up artist. when the report was finaly done, he insisted that my sister signed the report despite the lacerations on her right hand, when a simple thumb print with the left thumb was possible(earlier, the lance corporal took this course of action for his report) .

CEPAT??
this sargeant must be pretty bad at hearing or typing, cause what took the lance corporal 30mins to do took him almost 2 hours. and there was 3 or 4 more people waiting outside to make their report.

MESRA, CEPAT DAN BETUL thats the motto of our police force. sadly the way Sj.K conducted himself does not reflect those giant words imprinted outside the police station. it is safe to say that most malaysians do not hold the malaysian police force in high esteem. more often than not, we equate corruption and the police force together. i once had a friend who said to me "show me one clean traffic policeman and i'll show you a leprechaun." while his view is rather pessimistic in nature, that is the general feeling of the public. i do not doubt that there are good and honest policeman out there doing their best in their demanding job and making our country a safer place, for exampel the lance corporal in my story(whose name i regretfully did not remember or i would have added his name into my story). but the fact that there are so many wrong doing by the police that you just cant blame the public for their mistrust. i think its safe to say that us malaysians fear the police more than respect them.

ROLE OF THE GOVERMENT
measures taken by the goverment to boost the image of the police force is laughable and has done little to increase the publics' confidence because many feel that whatever action taken are merely for show. if the goverment really wants to impress the public, they should start taking serious measures like catching and prosecuting corrupted policeman instead of useless campaign such as KEMPEN KHIDMAT MESRA (Friendly Policing). whats the point of having such programs, when you are not doing anything to tackle the real problem-corruption. a cop will be dirty and remain so if there is no heavy deterrent to strike fear into them. why is it that our country has a relatively low number of cases in drug smuggling?? cause everyone, local and foreign, knows that it is punishable by death. im not advocating for the death sentence here, but merely to state my point for the need of a serious deterrent. i personally beleive that dirty policemen and politicians should be given harsher punishment for betraying the trust of the public. another solution is for goverment to set up an Internal Affairs agency, free from the influence and control of high ranking policeman. most countries have one and their sole purpose is so that the police officers are kept in line. you cant expect a cop to investigate another cop. to much sense of camaraderie can blind the investigating officer from his objectives. plus, an investigating officer can always be pressured by a higher ranking police officer who might also be on the take, to stray away from his objectives.

HIGHER PAY
much has been said bout increasing the pay of a policeman to curb corruption. it is our PM's view 'that if a person is greedy, no matter if he is earning a million dollars, he will still be corrupted.' while he might have a point there, i would like to stress that not everyone resort to corruption because they are greedy in nature. most of the low ranking policemen earn less that rm1000 a month and they have families to feed and care for. a policeman in a rural area might just get by with rm1000, but a cop in the city will definetly find it hard to put food on the table for his family and provide the basic needs of his wife and school going children. because of constant and sometimes desperate financial circumstances, a person can be tempted to take a bribe. a policeman might feel if everyone else is doing it, why should he not do it himslef. after all, he is just trying to provide for his family. going by this mentality, corruption is now not something wrong but something noble. this then sets off a terrible precedence. it is only human nature that we avoid the path of hardship and choose the path of least resistance if we know we can get away with it. so by increasing the basic salary of policemen in this country, at least we can help stop those policeman on the take who does it for his family. also to a certain extent, well paid new recruits with a young family will not be tempted to take a bribe. for a cop to be corrupted he must take that first bribe. it only become a habit if he gets away with it. if the need for the 'first bribe' never arises, we will have done a lot to curb corruption.

THE PUBLIC THEMSELVES

"wah, kanineh, that day i kena give police catch man. i quickly quickly throw my money under my seat and keep only RM10. and when the police man come i say i only got RM10. hahaha... so bodoh one them!!" sounds familiar?? how many of us know of people bribing a policeman after being caught for a traffic offence. how many of us have actually bribed a policeman and brag bout it to our friends and family members. its all base on the simple theory of demand and supply. if the public can hold on to a higher moral ground, we wouldnt be discussing bout corruption now. its not all the cops fault. admit it, you are dirty yourself!! if the public doesnt offer a bribe in the first place, the cop cant receive a bribe. i know rm300 is alot of money compared to rm10. again i ask of the public to hold on to higher moral grounds. at least if you pay the RM300 fine, the money goes back to you and the public indirectly thru whatever development that the goverment does with the money. if you bribe the cop, you are not only commiting a sin but also you lose all moral right in judging and critising corrupted policeman. as malaysians we are always fond of pushing the blame on others when something wrong happens. we never do look into ourselves and reflect on our course of actions, but rather cloak ourselves with a mirage of moral righteousness. to stamp corruption, we as the public must also play our role. pay the fine. you might be financially tight for that month. at least the hardship in on earth only and you will be safe from further hardship when your time is up.

after all said, it is still up to the government to take the necessary actions and the public to play their part. talk the talk yes, but please walk the walk to. it is time for us malaysians to shed our 'tidak apa' and 'takdir tuhan' attitude and be proactive in solving this national problem of ours. its not just a problem. its OUR problem.

abrevations confusion

many times during our training, we were told never to treat the patient as a case but rather as an individual. hence we were encouraged to talk with the patient about other subjects and not just pertaining to the case, to built up better rapport and confidence in the doctor-patient relatioship.

last week, i had a pregnant mother who was at the polyclinic for her antenatal health checkup. as i went thru her records, under the pekerjaan(occupation) columm it was written "SRT." 'ah, a factory worker,' i thought to myself. so i tried starting a conversation with her.

ME: dah lama kerja ke kak??
mother:(puzzled look) agaknya.....dah lama juga
ME: kerja line ini susah tak?
mother: susah juga. hari hari kena kerja. tak de 'off'
ME: tak de cuti!?? betul ke?? habis gaji sebulan berapa??
mother:eh gaji, mana ada gaji?? tak de gaji la.
ME: (what!! slavery in this country!?!?) tak de gaji!!! mana boleh macam ini. you tak report sama jabatan buruh??
mother: huh?? mana ada orang report sama jabatan buruh!! apa dia orang boleh bikin??
ME: jabatan buruh boleh tolong dakwa dan bawa kes kak ke mahkamah.
mother: you gila ke!!
ME: tak tipu kak. biar saya tolong kak buat laporan. ini kilang SRT ini kat mana??

than the staff nurse shouted from behind me, "HOI!! SRT itu surirumah tangga la bangang!!"

MCP MPs

come this August 31st, our nation will celebrate 48 years of freedom from our colonial masters. compare our country 48 years ago and now, we have definetly made great strides towards the promising future. however, events in the dewan rakyat last week showed that despite us having blessed with a vibrant and growing economy and with one of the tallest building in the world, the mentality of some of our elected representatives are only as high as the fungus stuck on their petaling street leather shoes.

making the headlines is BN representative from tangga batu, idris haron who claims that MAS air stewardess deserved whatever sexual harrasment they received from male passengers because of their uniforms that they wear. according to this 'fashion stylist' of ours, the current MAS uniform is to seductive because it is designed with a low cut on the top front and a high cut on the back. air stewardess, he said, with their make up, voice and way they dressed, will make male passengers uncomfortable during a long and boring flights. and to higlight his point he quoted, "When your house door is unlocked, do you blame the robbers for robbing you?" while his comments are definetly chauvinistic, as a male you cant but feel insulted as well. he made it look as though all guys out there are lower animals(well, some women might agree man are lower animals, but that is another debate) who would lose all self control just because the woman dresses sexily. i flew MAS a few times and i dont think there is anything sexy bout their uniform. hell, the uniform is designed based on the baju kabaya. is he trying to say that all woman who wears baju kebaya deserved to be raped?!! has his wife never put on a baju kebaya?? oh pardon me, maybe she/they is/are forced to wear the burqua. after being roundly booed and hammered by woman MPs from both sides, he tried defending himself by saying that he made the comment after researching in the internet. maybe he was looking up at some taliban or pas website. and shouldnt he be researching on other more important issues to debate at in the parliment.

another person making the news is Badruddin Amiruldin (BN-Jerai). during a debate on the increasing number of divorce spouses in the country, badruddin stated, “what type of man would last with someone like the MP from Batu Gajah”. the MP he was refering to was Fong Po Kuan(DAP-Batu Gajah). in 1999, she was the youngest ever elected representative. nicknamed "cili padi" she is well known for her blunt and direct comments which has unsettled the nerves of a number of male MPs. few years ago she was thrown out of the parliment and suspended for 6months without allowance when she refused to back down on a corruption issue. badruddin comments caused a real up roar. credit should be given to the female MPs from BN who put aside their political differences to show support and solidarity for their female counterpart in the opposition. after a day and half of senseless debate on the statement, badruddin finaly made an apology and retracted his comment.

damm, and to think that this ppl had the nerves to asked for a pay rise. whats the point if we achieve our dream of becoming a developed country by 2020 when the mentality of our leaders and rakyat are still stuck in the 15th century. for our nation to become a truly developed, democratic and progressive country, there is a need for a serious paradigm shift in the way we think and live. until then, we are just fungus on a leather shoe.

moral studies?? you must be joking...

i just cant believe it. im 23 this year and yet im being force to take moral classes by the government. i thought i was thru with moral studies after i finished my form 5 examination some four years ago. for my course to be recognised by LAN(lembaga akreditasi negara) they say that all students must do moral/islamic studies and also malaysian studies. i have 'studied' moral since i was 7 years old and i had covered malaysian studies under Pengajian Am during my form 6. to be forced to go thru the whole thing again is just a big waste of time.

when will the ppl in power come to realise that you cant instil moral values on someone by theory classes and examinations. do they really think they can create a society with high morality by having exams. if you ask me, the system is just encouraging the students to be more insincere and to breed a bunch of kaki bodek(cock suckers) who tells not the truth, but what the listener wants to hear. student with an A1 in moral studies is not necessary a moralled person. its most likely that he/she is just someone who is street wise enough to write what is politically correct or that he/she just happen to be lucky enoughto have come across the moral workbook with almost similiar questions.

only thru proper upbringing and religious guidance can one impart moral values in an individual. you dont ask a kid to memorise the definition of 20 different values and test him on which values you should apply in a given situation. if the ppl in power really feel this is the way to go, then they should catch hold and round up all those road bullies, corrupted politicians, double parking idiots, JAWI officials, mat skoedeng, nature destroying developers, lazy civil servants, racist leaders and even corrupted policeman together and give them an intensive 2 year pendidikan moral class. if these ppl actully become better rakyats as a result of the moral classes, i will have no qualms going for classes myself.

today during class, the lecturer actually took out a moral textbook and said, "this will be your bible." now, i know he meant it just as a figure of speech. but to have reached that level. the level of refering to a textbook, written by someone whose only motivation while writing the book is money, to find out what morality means. what happen to the real BIBLE. or the AL-QURAN. or the TORAH. shouldnt the younger generation be encouraged to read the holly books of their respective religion. why??? is it because these holly books dont have a a question and answer section or a multiple choice test after each chapter??

i applaud the director for the LRT advertisement. the behaviour potrayed by that ignorant man was a direct hit. how he refused to give up his seat to an old woman, pregnant lady and blind man is something most of us can relate to. i think many ppl out there actually felt embarassed by the action of that man cause most of them might have actually played the role of that ignorant man to perfection before. why cant we go back to the old days when there used to be community based advertisement. of how important national unity is in advertisement produced by Petronas during national day. or the importance of holding on to your family roots by Telekom. or the danger of doing drugs or drinking and driving by the health ministry. i think we malaysians relate better thru this sort of tv advert cause we kind of connect with the message that is being delivered across. we understand the message. we feel it. and we beleive in it. and somehow or rather, we feel this pricking in our hearts. urging us to change for the better. to be more like what is shown on the ad. because we are malaysians. and we are better than this.

now, you definetly dont get this feeling with an exam paper......

giving my first injection

today i gave my first injection(well, i had praticed on plastic arms before in my preclinical years but that doesnt count). it was a tetanus toxiod intramuscular injection on this malay woman who was pregnant. it all begin harmlessly. the malay lady was waiting all alone in the immunization room. so i went to informed the staff nurse. to my suprise she asked me, "lu mau inject?" and i said yes. of course i said yes. been dying to jab somebody for a long time. so she showed me the way to fill up the syringe and how to discard the excess vaccine. then it was time for the real thing.
man was i ready for it. or so i thought. there was a look of apprehension on the woman's face. so i put on a more than confidence appearance-like i have been injecting ppl since i was suckling. i swabbed her arm over the deltoid with a cotton drenched in alcohol. then i inserted the needle into her arm(later the nurse told me my method of administering the needle into the patient was very 'mengerikan, macam nak ambil roket tembak orang') . once the needle was in place, i had to aspirate a little to make sure i did not hit a vessel. it was in this period that i began to lose my confidence. the needle was a little flimsy because of the soft adipose tissues(fats) in the hand. i had to hold it firmly during the aspiration so that the needle does not come out of the hand. but at the same time i was afraid if i held to tightly, the needle might break if there was a sudden movement by the pts. as i was doing this, iwas carrying another cotton in my palm that is meant to cover the wound once i removed the neddle. caught in this purgatory of self doubt, my hand began to shake and i dropped the cotton. at that time i couldnt give a shit. once i confirmed that the needle was indeed in the muscle, i emptied the syringe and removed the needle. then it was, 'where the fuck is the cotton?!?!' and the lady's hand began to bleed cause there was nothing to compress it. and staff nurse was, 'mana cotton?? mana cotton?? cepat ambil cotton!!" with one hand compressing the wound, i used the hand to indicate where the new cottons are to my friend who thinks its a bloody joke. buggar still cant find the cottong despite me poiting to the area. after what felt like eternity the cotton did come and the bleeding stopped. and my heart started beating again.

article bout the pope

In the end, says a NEWSWEEK reporter who covered the pontiff for years, John Paul II will go down in history as one of the greatest popes ever. But he left serious issues to his successor to resolve-issues he wasn't willing to even discuss.

By Andrew Nagorski Newsweek April 2 -

In the summer of 1981 when I was posted in Moscow for NEWSWEEK, Solidarity was riding the crest of a euphoric wave in neighboring Poland. The free trade union had been operating openly for a full year, and the country was flooded with the dissident labor union's banners, pins, stickers and other mementos, including those that celebrated the pride of Poland, Pope John Paul II.The communist authorities would abruptly change course a few months later, declaring martial law and outlawing Solidarity. But those fair days were still a period when seemingly everything was possible, everything was permissible.That summer my wife, Christina, who grew up in Poland, was returning from a visit there with our three children. I drove out to Moscow's Sheremetyevo Airport and waited for them to arrive on a flight that was delayed and didn't land until midnight. I could see that our children, especially 1-year-old Adam, were exhausted as Christina maneuvered them and the luggage through the long customs line. To my relief, the customs officer, a young woman, saw what kind of shape they were in and began waving Christina's suitcases through without inspecting them. She allowed me to take the children and put them into the car. When I returned, Christina was all set to go, but at the last minute the customs officer asked her to open her purse. When Christina did so, the woman's face suddenly colored as she plucked out a key chain with a picture of Pope John Paul II and Solidarity leader Lech Walesa. "Oh, no, this won't pass," she sputtered. "Bring back everything." For the next three hours as the children slept in the car, she methodically searched every piece of luggage. And she refused to return the key chain.A year later, I was expelled by the Soviet authorities from Moscow because of their unhappiness over some of my reporting, and I was assigned to Rome, where I began covering the pope, regularly traveling with him on his many foreign trips. But for me, what happened that night at Moscow's airport remains as one of the most revealing incidents that I witnessed, a minor moment that said so much about the power of John Paul II. It demonstrated the fear that the Polish pope inspired in the Soviet Union, even at a time when the old guard still appeared firmly in command-and almost no one could envisage the collapse of communism that would begin in Poland by the end of the decade and quickly bring the entire system crashing down with it.But looking at events from their perspective, the Soviet authorities were absolutely right to fear that key chain featuring John Paul and Lech Walesa. Any assessment of this pope's place in the history of the church and of the last century will note that he helped trigger the incredible sequence of events that would bring about the implosion of the Soviet empire and its totalitarian system. With John Paul now gone, the summing up of his pontificate is already underway, his accomplishments and shortcomings are being hotly debated. Let me be blunt about my own preliminary judgment. I'm convinced John Paul II will go down in history as one of the greatest popes ever, one whose intense spirituality, intellectual brilliance and sheer physical stamina are beyond dispute. I'm also convinced that he has left some extremely difficult issues to his successor-issues he never confronted and wasn't willing to open up for serious discussion.It's hard to overstate John Paul's impact, reach and visibility. Consider the fact that his constant travels, which took him to more than 100 countries, meant that he logged the equivalent of three times the distance between the earth and the moon. Those of us who accompanied him, riding in what would be the economy class of the chartered papal plane, often felt as if we were part of an endless marathon, and our biggest challenge was just to keep up. On long stretches in the air, we couldn't tune out completely since we had to be prepared with the right question in case the pope made one of his walkabouts through our section. John Paul, who spoke an amazing array of languages with varying degrees of proficiency, had the daunting habit of answering questions in whatever language the questioner used.There were also the slightly surrealistic moments, particularly when local carriers were used as the papal plane instead of Alitalia, which usually provided this service. Richard Roth of CBS recalls a ride on an Air Gabon charter where the pilot announced: "Your Holiness, Eminences, my Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, the duty-free shop is now open."On a 1983 trip to Central America, we were loaded onto a Honduran airliner for a flight across rugged, mountainous terrain. At one point, the plane started losing altitude. At first, there were a few jokes in the press section about the next day's coverage: POPE DIES IN PLANE CRASH in huge type, with a tiny wire-service item buried deep in the package: DOZENS OF JOURNALISTS ALSO KILLED. But as the flight dropped lower and lower, silence descended on our cabin. We watched the Boeing 737 drop to within a couple of hundred yards over the treetops of a village before pulling up sharply and barely making it over the next mountain range. Later, we learned that the pope had been asked to bless the Honduran president's village as the plane flew over it, and the president had ordered the pilot to drop as low as possible to make that blessing stick.The first non-Italian pope in 455 years, John Paul II broke precedent after precedent, not just in terms of travel. One of the most significant examples was his reaching out to those of other faiths, particularly Jews. He became the first pope in history to visit a synagogue, the first to visit a mosque. Another was his willingness to apologize for the Catholic church's sins-for its treatment of Jews, for the Crusades, for its persecution of Galileo. American Catholics may have wanted something even stronger, but his speech to the American cardinals visiting Rome in April 2002, about the sexual scandals was incredibly blunt by Vatican standards.If his image is sometimes larger than life, he was also resolutely human. As a young pope, he continued to ski, swim and hike, which his predecessors would never have thought of doing. And even when he was old and ailing, he maintained his self-deprecating sense of humor. After his trip to Poland in August 2002, when he attracted a crowd of nearly 3 million for a mass on Krakow's Blonie meadow, he invited Maciej Zieba, the head of the Dominican order in Poland, for lunch with him at the Vatican. Zieba congratulated the pope on the "great event" in Krakow. "I remember a bigger event," the pope responded. He then told Zieba about a school outing in 1933 to the same site. The occasion was a military parade where Marshall Jozef Pilsudski, the prewar Polish leader, reviewed the troops. "That was a great event," the pope concluded. As Zieba puts it, "He still had a sense of irony."And there were plenty of ironies in Karol Wojtyla's career. Perhaps the greatest one was how the communist authorities in Poland misread him early on. Since he talked about faith and culture, not about what passed for politics, they believed he could be easily manipulated. As George Weigel points out in his excellent biography "Witness to Hope," party ideologist Zenon Kliszko vetoed seven candidates the church put forward to be bishops in the early 1960s; at that time the government had the power to block nominations. "I'm waiting for Wojtyla," Kliszko said, "and I'll continue to veto names until I get him." He got him soon enough, when Wojtyla was named archbishop of Krakow in 1964. The communists soon regretted their decision, but it was too late.The pope's commitment to faith and culture proved profoundly subversive. When I was reporting on the fate of religion in Eastern and Central Europe, I became aware of the scope of his encouragement for the faithful in places like the Ukraine and Czechoslovakia, where persecution was the norm. It wasn't just his public prayers for the "hidden churches" or his appointments of new bishops for these churches, even if they had to remain in exile. I talked with one of the Polish priests, dressed in civilian clothes, who traveled to parts of the Soviet Union to hold secret masses. As late as 1989, I went to a secret mass in the western Ukrainian city of Lvov that was attended by dissidents who had spent as many as 18 years in the gulag.If the pope was willing to promote clandestine activities when necessary, his greatest contribution to the downfall of communism wasn't covert at all. In public pronouncements on his visits to Poland and at every possible opportunity, he bore a simple message: faith matters, the truth matters, freedom matters, injustice must be condemned. His audiences knew what truths and what injustices without his having to spell them out, without his taking any overtly political stands. He encouraged such dissidents as Poland's Walesa and Czechoslovakia's Vaclav Havel to live "as if" they were free, undermining the elaborate system of lies that the communist system depended upon to survive. Once the pretenses were stripped away, more and more people realized they weren't alone with their dissident thoughts and began to act upon them. In talking about Europe's common spiritual genealogy, the pope was, in his own way, signaling that the Iron Curtain had to come down.Those convictions flowed directly from his Polish upbringing and his encounters with both of the 20th century's brutal totalitarian systems-Hitler's and Stalin's. His rejection of any system that crushed the individual, that degraded people into objects, was instinctive. So was his rejection of anti-Semitism, which he occasionally witnessed growing up in Poland. His effort to reach out to Jews and others of different faiths can be traced to the same roots.While the most dramatic public manifestations could be seen when he visited Jerusalem's Wailing Wall, I was struck by a smaller, private gesture. A few years ago, I spent a long afternoon interviewing a Polish priest who had discovered, only at age 35 when his "mother" told him the truth, that he was a Jew by birth. His natural parents had pleaded with a Polish Catholic couple to save the baby by adopting him as their own during the Nazi occupation. Until he learned more about his origins, he decided to tell only one person: the then newly elected pope. He wrote to John Paul II that his Jewish origins made him feel a special bond to the successor of Peter, a Jewish apostle. The pope's warm reply began with the words "Beloved Brother."The pope's rejection of totalitarian ideologies and anything that smacks of racism or persecution doesn't mean he uncritically embraced liberal democracy and capitalism. At the same mass in Krakow that attracted nearly 3 million of the faithful, he reiterated his frequent message about the dangers of the "noisy propaganda of liberalism" and "freedom without responsibility," and denounced man's attempts, whether by genetic engineering or euthanasia, to interfere "in the mystery of human life." He could sound like a scold when he talked about the dangers of hedonism and consumerism, of a system that too often treats materialism as an end in itself and forgets spiritual values.Zieba, the Polish priest who wrote "The Popes and Capitalism," points out that the pontiff's view of capitalism was quite different than of totalitarian systems. "Capitalism can produce a very creative culture or a very merciless one," Zieba notes. "It depends on us. It can be exploitative and lose touch with God." The pope believed that what determines the type of capitalism that emerges isn't structural, it's the human component-how people are educated. If the "human ecology" of capitalism is polluted then you get a corrupted system, Zieba adds; the way to clean up the pollution is to impart the right values. The pope praised the freedoms capitalism can provide-the encouragement of entrepreneurs, allowing people to develop their talents to the fullest. But he opposed any "ideology" of capitalism that excuses its worst excesses. In light of the recent wave of corporate scandals, it's too bad this part of his message often failed to register.As inspiring and visionary as this pope often was, there was always an undercurrent of discontent with some aspects of his reign. When I covered the Vatican in the early 1980s, some of the curia-the cabinet that assists the pope in governing the church-complained about his preoccupation with Poland and the number of Poles in his entourage. Those complaints faded later, especially once the political outcome in his homeland won universal applause. But a more persistent and significant criticism is that John Paul II didn't do more to curb the power of the curia. "We are suffering from overcentralization," a senior member of the curia admitted to me in 1982. "This clerical life of Rome remains a bit of a royal court, with some of the mentality of Louis XIV." At the time, this could be ascribed to a holdover culture from previous popes, but today internal critics claim that centralization increased rather than decreased under John Paul II's rule.Not long ago, when I asked a Polish cleric who has worked in the Vatican about the negative side of the ledger when it comes to this pope's record, he mentioned the "fear of innovation" in much of the church, due in part to the appointment of weak bishops. He also pointed out that the synods of bishops, which should counterbalance the power of the curia, "are not what they should be." They are only consultants, and they haven't been able to develop the new ideas that are needed in this time when the church's traditional base-Europe and the United States-is suffering from a growing shortage of priests (with Poland a very big exception). While the pope did a remarkable job of reaching out to the Third World, the crisis in vocations is only one manifestation of the broader problems facing the church in the countries where its influence is visibly declining.It would seem only natural, for instance, that the synod would discuss making celibacy optional for priests, something that exists in the Eastern or Ukrainian Rite Catholic Church. But the pope's adamant opposition meant that no such discussion took place. Nor has the synod discussed the awkward situation the church found itself in with married men who were secretly ordained as priests in Czechoslovakia during the communist era. While they were formally ordained as Eastern Rite Catholic priests, those distinctions hardly seemed important at a time when the church was persecuted by the communist authorities. The practice in the underground, anticommunist church was to allow married priests to help keep the faith alive, and they regularly said Roman Catholic masses and administered the sacraments. The fact that they were married helped disguise their clerical status.In 1999, I went to the Czech Republic to see what had happened to those married priests after the downfall of communism. Initially, they were told that they no longer could say mass. They felt bitter that the Vatican seemed to have turned on them. "It was a time when priests who had collaborated with the secret police were given the green light, and we were given the red light," Vaclav Ventura, a married priest, told me. Eventually, church leaders came up with a compromise and established an Eastern Rite diocese in the Czech Republic, which admitted several of the married priests. But most of their parishioners are Roman Catholics, who had become used to them saying mass. The married priests now can only say Roman Catholic mass in the company of a celibate Roman Catholic priest. This is despite the fact most of the new "Eastern Rite" priests were brought up as Roman Catholics, and that they could help plug the holes created by the shortage of priests in the Czech Republic.While these contortions may be understandable, they reflect an unwillingness of the church to confront the issue of celibacy directly. Similarly, the pope ruled out any discussion of the ordination of women. According to clerics who knew the pope well, he believed that Christ's decision to be surrounded by male apostles needs to be respected. As for celibacy, he was strongly convinced that this allows priests to devote themselves fully to the church and to experience a deeper kind of love than erotic love. He was also against anything that smacks of loosening the requirements for the priesthood, arguing that this would be both wrong and ineffective. His supporters note that Protestant churches which now ordain women have hardly enjoyed a surge in vocations.Regardless of the merits of the idea of changing any rules, the church should be capable of airing the issues that are already being discussed informally-and are very much on the minds of many of the faithful. A recent survey of American priests, taken for the National Federation of Priests' Council, revealed that 56 percent believe celibacy should be a matter of personal choice. One cleric who knew the pope well says the pontiff was "physically pained" by the crisis in the American church triggered by the wave of revelations about sexual abuse. But that never softened his opposition to discussing either celibacy or the ordination of women.An even more telling omission may be the lack of serious discussion of the church's position on birth control, especially in the era of the AIDS epidemic. It's virtually impossible to imagine a change in the church's opposition to abortion, euthanasia and genetic engineering. But, as the Polish cleric with long Vatican experience pointed out to me recently, the pope stopped routinely mentioning birth control as part of that litany of dangers during his last years. He used to do so regularly. What accounted for this omission? The Polish cleric offers what he calls merely a guess: that, while the pope almost certainly never changed his views, he may have been confronted with arguments that made him hesitant on the subject. Which brings up one of the final ironies about John Paul II. As he reached the end of his remarkable papacy, this leader who urged everyone to speak the truth, who spoke out again and again on the most sensitive subjects, is now often seen as the defender of the status quo who would prefer silence to open debate on the issues that most often divide and trouble the faithful. As great as his legacy is, it's unfortunate that this, too, is to be a part of it.Nagorski's piece is adapted from a story appearing originally in Notre Dame Magazine's Winter 2002-2003 issue © 2004 Newsweek, Inc.© 2005 MSNBC.comURL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3760688/site/newsweek/[This message contained attachments]