went up to penang last friday for vj's funeral. the mood was in total contrast to my last visit there which was 6 years ago together with the salvation army. had a whale of a time with my friends then.

things were more depressing and sombre this time around. the funeral was held at the church of immaculate conception. it was a grand funeral with more than 150 in attendance. 44 of us classmates made the trip up. upon the request of vj's dad, we wore our white lab coats for the funeral service as a show of support. me and seven other classmates carried the coffin in while the rest lined both sides of the aisle from the entrance all the way to the altar.

the sermon by the priest was fantastic and so were the eulogies. befitting for a great person like vj. his remains were cremated and the ashes taken back to the US where his mother and sister now lives.

in this short life on mine, i personally had experienced the lost of someone close to me 6 times. the first was my dad's death when i was 15. it was a terrible personal tragedy and the iccident had a profound impact on my perception and way of life. till this day i feel uncomfortable watching with others an emotional scene involving a person's death on tv or in the cinema because it reminds me to much of my father's death and the mistakes i had made as a son. the sad and unwanted memories, all held up in a reservoir of despair at a corner of my mind, will come bursting through cracks on the wall, flooding and sinking my emotions. the only thing preventing me from crying is my sense of pride and ego.

but one thing i never did lose then was a sense of immortality. it was like, 'this is just going to happen once and thats it.' but as time passed by, more deaths followed and the sense of immortality begin to dissapear like morning dew slowly evaporating on a hot day. the fear that someone i really love might just go like that weighs heavily in my heart. sometimes, the mere thought of it makes me tear.

but i guess when it comes to matter pertaining to life and death, we are sometimes powerless to do anything bout it. faith in the Almighty is the only way. for in life, we as mortals can only do so much to predict the outcome of life. for all the uncertainty, the only thing certain in life is death.