Thursday, September 02, 2004

delhi and jaipur

im in delhi now. . wont be staying here for long though. will be leaving for shimla tonight. shimla is a mountain resort area which overlooks the himalayan range. should be spectacular.

jaipur was great. they had better roads and infrastructure compared to agra. there is this place called the "Pink City" which has existed for hundreds of years back to the time of the great Mughal empire. the entire city use to pin in colour. but somehow or rather the indians here must gotten confused btw the colour pink and orange. so the entire city is actually more orange than pink. some parts of the pink city you get walls which are tilled to the waist level which serves as a place to urinate. really brings a whole new meaning to 'public toilet.'

we visited a temple area to. cant remember the name. to complicated and my chinko toungue is not used to turning so much to. it has a temple for Hanuman(monkey god), shiva and ganesh. there were different lines leading up to the temple. i just chose a line and went up to the temple. suddenly i started hearing, 'HELLO HELLO!!! SHOO SHOO!!!' I turned and saw a group of angry woman and they were giving me the cockest of all cock stare. it was then i realised i was in the woman's line. so i quickly jumped over the bar and ran to where all the dicks were.

there is this unusual palace. during the monsoon, the palace will be surrounded by a huge ass lake. during that period, its called the Water Palace. during the summer when all the water dries up its called the Dry Palace.

no matter where we go, my yellow ass is like a magnet for beggars and conman. can't take it man. some ppl here just gets on my nerve.

Monday, August 30, 2004

the taj mahal

i saw the taj mahal yesterday. it was superb. no words can describe its beauty. but i had a friend who said it was nothing but just a piece of marble. wat the hell man. no appreaciation for beauty at all. bout the history of the taj i wil write it some other time when im back in manipal. not much time now.

the taj i s one huge monument. if it looks big in pictures, it looks even biger real live. to fit the entire building into a picture, one must take the picture some 400ms away. the entire taj is made of marble. its interior contains carvings filled with semi precious stones that were looted by the british. they seem to be looting everything they see here. taking a proper picsture of taj requires a lot of patiences. there are so many ppl here which makes it real hard to take a proper pic. to enter the taj you need to pay rm75 if you are a non-indian. for indians you just pay RM2. sial!!kena pusing man!!!! but its worth it la. i've seen plenty of palaces in india. and its huge ok. bloody huge. it makes me think bout the palaces of the sultans in our country. even the houses for the maharajas' gundiks here looks better and bigger than the sultan of melaka's palace we have.

the taj mahal is located in the city of agra. it took me 40 hours by train from udupi to reach here. can die man. did nothing much but sleep, eat and read. there was this group of children which were freakin noisy man. playing catching in the freakin narrow train. feel like puting sleeping pills into their bloody food. arghhh...

agra is like a mini zoo by itself. there is plenty of animals to see. donkeys, camels, horses, buffolos(bigger than a Kancil car), cows, dogs and BEARS. yup bears. honey bears to be precise. you dont actually see the bears in the city but you can see them along the way to Fatehpur sikri. the trainer will make the bear to dance for you then allow you to take some photos all for the fee of RM50. cut throat.

i also saw these jeeps carrying more than 20 ppl in it moving around town at F1 speed. its the cheapest mode of transportation, so its usually used by the poor. its half the price of the local bus and takes half the time to reach your destination compared to the bus. of course there is a chance your life might be halfed also. you can see men and women standing on the sides of the windows and at the back door of the jeep. they are just standing on a foot hold not biger than half their feet. there was this woman with a baby in a sling hanging in front of her chest and she was standing at the edge at the back of the jeep with both hands clinging onto the roof of the jeep. imagine if the knot of the sling becomes loose.

wat caught my eyes the most were the fun fair they have here. its exactly like back home except that everything is super mini. the most interesting one was the mini fairies wheel. it has just 4 carriages and stands not more than 2.5 meter tall. someone wil be standing at the side turning the wheel. needless to say its just for childrens.

wil be leaving for jaipur tmrw. till then....

Friday, August 27, 2004

BANDH

yesterday was bloody boring man. the entire manipal went dead because the ppl went on a strike(bandh). it all happen because former chief minister of madhya pradesy, uma bhati(something like that), was arrested in the state of karnataka for some crime called the 'hubli firing' whichi occured 10 years ago. she was from the opposition party, BJP. BJP was the ruling party until they lost the last general election to the Congress party a few months back. so the BJP members are claiming the arrest as a political head hunting. as a sign of protest, party members called for a karnataka bandh. karnataka has a population of almost 57 million ppl.

in manipal, everything went dead. there was no bus or autorickshaw service. all shops and petrol station were closed. there was no work of any kind. but the university still remained open(bloody hell!!). the streets were empty except for the heavy presence of the police in case of any violent outbreaks. in udupi, there was a sit in protest by the BJP party involving almost 600 members. they sat down and blocked all major roads, preventing all vehicle movement.

not everyone here is a BJP member(though a majority are) and not everyone supports the bandh. but once a bandh is called for you have to comply. if you open your shop, a group of radicals will come and assault you and destroy the shop.it has happened before. the police cant do jack shit about anything cause they are taking orders from the politicians. plus to that, the police corruption here is even more open and serious compared to back home. so the bandh may seem very succesful but in actual fact the general population are forced into it to serve the self interest of the political elite.

with no food stall open, we had to cook for ourselves. actually it was Mr WW who cooked for us. the only thing i did was to openned a can of stew pork and heat it up. i cant cook for nuts. the other day i tried cooking sweet and sour fish using those instant powder crap.just need to add some ingridients and cook a bit. when i finished cooking it looked nothing like wats on the packet. in the packet, the gravy was golden orange. mine was brownish black. shit!!

well, at least the stray dogs still ate the fish.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Singapore's new national anthem

There is a new law for us to follow
Just believe, just believe
We must make love for Singapore
To make babies, to make babies
Boys and girls, let's do our part
Stand together, butt to butt
Our birth rate is getting low, and we must stop it
To make babies, to make babies

There is a need to know sex is good and ain't a sorrow
So let's drop our pants and do what Steve Chia died for
I ejaculated in your ass, it's a disaster Singapore shares
Stop oral and anal sex, oh horny you and me
Let’s make babies, let’s make babies

Cum in me Singapore, cum in me and on my ass no more

Boys and girls, don't poke your butts,
Fark together, test your luck
Our birth rate is getting low, and we must stop it
To make babies, to make babies

Chorus:
Cum in me Singapore, cum in me Singapore
Cum in me and on my ass no more

(Repeated Chorus)

Cum in me Singapore Singapore (FADE OUT)

And more are coming...

why doesnt this bus stop

yesterday my friend, Mr WW, had to go down to udupi(a town 20mins away from manipal) to have his bike repaired. after leaving his bike at the mechanic with a host of instruction,half of it the mechanic doesnt understand, he decided to take the public bus back to manipal. now Mr WW has never use the public transport before. not here. not in malaysia as well. so this is the first time for him. so his first instinct was to locate a bus stop which he managed quite succesfully. after waiting for 15 minutes or so, he saw a bus approaching. he immediately stood up. he noticed that the bus had no windows and had iron grills on the front windscreen. he felt a bit weird that a bus should be windowless but he brushed aside the feeling and tried flagging the bus. as the bus approaches, it showed no sign of slowing down. so he waved his hand even more frantically. as the bus approached even nearer, he saw two men in uniform laughing at him from inside the bus. and as the bus passed him he saw the words written on the side of it "Karnataka State Prison."

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

the regular, the cina and the bengs

Today, in Malaysia, there is no longer just the Chinese. Along the way, the
Chinese people divided beyond dialects and religious faith. We now have denomination within the Chinese. The major three groups are Regular, Cina, and Ah Beng.

The Regular group is the minority, making up less than 20% of the Chinese people. This group has the following characteristics:
1. Speaks English as the first language.
2. Thinks the world owes them a living.
3. Uses the Internet more than the other two groups combined.
4. Loves the iPod and/or IKEA.
5. Watches one or more of the following TV series:"Sex And The City","Friends", or "CSI.
6. Thinks that the Regular group is way larger than it is and makes fun of
the other groups, particularly the Ah Beng group.Why? Because it's fun.

Recent studies have also shown that there is a growing splinter group within the Regular group known as the CPWTTANC group. (CPWTTANC is short for Chinese People Who Think They Are Not Chinese.) This growing subgroup are considered elitist by some and are found making statements like "I wish I were in the U.S." or "This never happened when I was studying in Australia." They also tend to speak with an unidentifiable accent. The women may also prefer to date white men from foreign countries with the excuse that local men just "don't understand me" and have the secret desire to be taken away to the U.S. to live in a sitcom.
The second Chinese group, Cina make up approximately 55% of the Chinese community. (Cina is derived from the Malay word Cina which means Chinese and is pronounced "chee-na". And you will have to say it in a condescending tone for effect.) This group is considered mainstream and contribute to the numbers that reflect development in the country. They are the masses in context of the Chinese community. In other words, if you want to sell something to the masses of Chinese people, the Cina is it.
The Cina are identified by the following traits:
1. Speaks Mandarin or Cantonese as the first language.
2. Generally quiet, self-effacing, and obliging but are actually shrewd and calculative.
3. Sees Taiwan as the place to be.
4. More likely to forward chain email to people in their address book.
5. Goes to Halo Café or Wow Wow Café BY CHOICE at least three times a year.
6. Has Astro hardwired to Wah Lai Toi.
7. Calls a music video an MTV instead of music video.
8. Knows all the dim sum dishes by name.
9. Seventy percent of lighting at home generated by flourescent lights.
The last group are known as the Ah Bengs . This term was probably made up by the Regulars in the early 80s during the cultural invasion that saw the mass import of music and movies from countries like Hong Kong, Taiwan, and to some extent, Japan. This phenomenon saw the more open-minded and runaway members of the Cina group defect into Ah Bengs and its feminine equivalent, Ah Lian. They just took their Alan Tam and Anita Mui a little too seriously. Perhaps the most made-fun-of group not only by its own Chinese people but by people of other races, the Ah Bengs are often seen as people living on the edge and have more flamboyant tastes.
One may identify the Ah Beng by these tell-tale signs:
1. Built-in visual self-defense mechanism that keeps people away from them.
2. Have enough amplifiers in their one car to power speakers for six cars.
3. Hair not in their original colour.
4. Volume of voice is automatically five decibels higher than everyone
else.
5. Excessive use of the phrase "Kan Ni Na Bu Ciao Chee Bai". (Although, to be fair, some members of the Regular group have been reported to use the phrase on a daily basis as well.)
6. Once a fan of one of the following groups: Vengaboys, Dr Bombay, Aqua,or the Cheeky Girls.
7. Their Proton car does not look like a Proton car due to modifications.
8. For the Ah Lians, have at least one bag fashioned after a furry animal complete with the head.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Mr Gowrish- the fireman

well exams are finally over...
nothing much to talk about except bout how the patho department is a bunch of cock suckers, setting for us a killer paper, and how the the hall caught fire during the forensic paper.

bout the patho paper...
why isit so hard?? well, we all think its becaue of this new Maruti Suzuki Zen car thats out in the indian market. ugly little car(but thats the best they have here in india cause the economy is pretty closed up. not much imported cars around)somthing like our kancil but slightly more bulky. runs on diesel so can save money on petrol, which happens to be at RM4/litre currently. god knows how high it will go up to. the market price is at RM40000. so we figure if he fails 60 students and each of them have to pay rm1000 for a resit, then he will have rm60000. he can have the car plus the latest sound system BOSS(thats the best brand they have here) installed in the car and still have left overs for him to buy the latest jocKeys undewear on the market. all we can do now is wait for the results to be out in a few weeks time.

bout the fire...
it was the last paper of the finals, forensic medicine. halfway through the paper suddenly an electrical switch box exploded and caught fire. the girl sitting beside the box must have gotten the shock of her life as sparks and flames started falling on her paper. then stepped in Mr Gowrish our Microbiology lecture. with his left hand, he signal for calm in an already tense classroom. and with the right hand he threw a glass of water at the fire. then he looked around like he was expecting some sort of applause for his 'heroic act.' we were all like, ' you stupid fuck!!!' well, to be fair the fire was put out with that glass of water. because of the fire to the electrical box, there was no power for 30 minutes. thank god the hall is big with lots window. or not the hall will be in complete darkness.

Sunday, June 27, 2004

Its raining man!!! Hallelujah....NOT

The monsoon is upon manipal. Finally...No more blistering summer heat. No more dust and sand. No more sweat soaked bed sheets and underwear. Within a week, the dry brown landscape is replaced by lush green hills and and blooming flowers. In these cold weather you can just sleep and sleep and sleep.

that's where all the goodness end.

heavy rain and a poor drainage system in this town makes it a breeding ground for mosquito's. The cases of malaria and denggi are on the rise. As of today, 15 malaysians had been diagnosed with malaria. The infected local population is somewhere in the 50s. Actually its not to bad here in manipal compared to mangalore( a town 1 1/2 hours away) where there is more than 2000+ cases reported. Its almost reaching a pandemic state. Malaria, denggi, haptitis A and cholera is epidemic in this area. Yesterday a patient died of cholera in manipal. Pretty scary.

well, most of the ppl that got infected are those staying in the hostel or the surrounding areas. Since I live quite far away it doesn't really bother me, though precautions are still taken (I think im widening the hole in the ozone layer with the amount of insecticide im using). im faced with other problems. With the green lush grasses growing all over, an old foe reappears. Those dastardly COWS . When it rains heavily an entire heard of cows(usually 8-11 in number depending on the number of offsprings) will 'invade' my house and use it for shelter against the rain. Last monsoon, a gentle prodding with an umbrella on the alpha male will send them all out again. But this time around, even a smack would not move them. Sons of bitches...So what to do. Just leave them there. And same story after that. They just leave a pile of shit as a sign of thank you. A pile of shit per cow...Imagine. mardar chod
so one night after coming back from a friend's house, as I was coming down from my bike(it was pitch black cause there was a black out), my left leg got buried ankle deep into a slimy wet cowdung. Utterly disgusted, I tried coming down from the other side of the bike. So I put my right leg down. ppiaakk...
'nee na bueh!!!' my right leg also got buried. All the shouts of hokkien profanity drew my housemate out. Poor guy, as he came out to rescue me he himself also step on a piece of shit(apparently one cow climbed up 4 flights of stairs and crap on my front door). Then Cantonese vulgarity started flying out.'mai chau hai!!! ham ka...'

resigned to the fact that this is one problem we can never overcome, we both went into the house, planning what kind of beef preparation we gonna eat tmrw at the muslim shop. if you cant beat them, eat them....

Friday, June 25, 2004

Smoke up dude!!

WEED...That's something most of us college going guys are familiar with. Some ppl I know actually argue that doing weed is better than taking a puff on a cigarrate. Hell, the Brits actually wanted to legalized weed but the proposal was turn down in the House of Commons(maybe they should try banning Beckham from taking penalty kick first). Its an illegal substance in most countries except maybe Holland. But then again almost every recreational drug is legal there.

so wat is WEED?
it comes in many names eg: ganja, pot, Mary Jane etc. Weed and marijuana are actually 2 different substance though they are both derived from the same plant that is Cannabis indica or Cannabis sativa. Weed is prepared from resinous extract of leaves from the female plant while marijuana is synthesized by crushing dried flowers found on the top of the plant. The plant itself can grow as high as 4-6 meters. The taller the better cause the seed and flower at the top most part of the tree has a higher concentration of active principles[cannibol which is inert but on exposure to heat will convert to the active isomeric tetrahydrocannibols(THC)].

after smoking up, THC will affect both the mental and physical status. The individual will have a feeling of euphoria, well being, sleepiness, dreaminess,increase self confidence and rapidly changing emotions. Thought process are hampered and there will be altered reality testing. Some might even hallucinate, usually something to do with an erotic fantasy.
weed also causes an individual to feel extremely hungry and thirsty, slightly nauseated and decreases motor coordination.
using the drug in small quantities is not harmful, but this vary from individual to individual. Because users develop tolerance to the drug( that means if it takes 0.5g to get you high in the beginning, in a months time, 0.5 will not give the kick any more. So you increase you intake. This will go on and on), there is a tendency for smokers to develop into chronicity.

chronic usage of the drug will lead to amotivational syndrome. The individual will be lethargic, apathetic and discline to work.
what is more dangerous is the tendency for chronic smokers to develop organic structural damage of the brain cells. It will get so bad, that one day while under the influence of the drug, he/she might suddenly run amok which is characterized by a frenzy homicidal tendency which is purposeless and motiveless. Those killed are usually those dear to him or anyone around him at the time. This killing frenzy last for only a few minutes after which the individual will recover and have absolutely no recollection what so ever of what he had done. If the guy is charged in a court of law he will be acquitted on the grounds of acute insanity(under McNaughton's rule). The basis for this is that because the individual is unaware of his own action and cannot differentiate between right and wrong at the time the crime was committed, due to extensive structural damage to the brain, he cannot be held liable for it. Though he is acquitted, that does not mean he goes Scott free. Poor guy will be lock up permanently in a mental institute(or until deem fit to be released...Which I don't think will ever happen).

so guys...wat you waiting for. roll up those sugar weed and smoke it up. if you ever kill anyone and get thrown into Tampoi, look at the bright side man. free food and lodging...



The Typical China-Man
There was once an Chinese man called Ah Beng who was
involved in a
terrible car accident. In the hospital, when he gained
his
consciousness, he called
out for the nurse to know what had happened to him.
"I'm very sorry, sir, but you had involved in a very
bad car crash".
"Car crash! Tiu!! My Marcelly (aka Mercedes ) ! My
Marcelly! Is
my car all right?" he asked hysterically.

"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least
of your worries. You've
lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable
to save it", she said
apologetically.

"I lost my arm? My Rolex! My Rolex piu leh!"
"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your
worries. You are
in a very critical condition and all your family are here
to see you".

He asked for his family to be called in. As they
gathered around the bed, he
called for each of them.

"Wife, are you here?"
"I am here husband, and I will never leave you"
"Son, are you here?"
"I am here father, and I will never leave you"

"Daughter, are you here?"
"I am here father, and I will never leave you."

"Well," said Ah Beng thoughtfully, "if all of you
are here, WHO THE HELL IS
LOOKING AFTER THE SHOP?!!! TIU NIA SENG!!!"