i cant believe it.
my friend sam just passed away this evening. few hours after i wrote my last post. we dont know why he died. the doctors dont know why either. it was so sudden. a post mortem will be done to identify the cause of death. he was out of the ICU a few days ago and his condition has been improving. he could remember everything and could speak after they removed the intubation. he was suppose to be discharged from the hospital on friday, go back to segamat and have his favourite mutton curry. he was dreaming about it.
but....he is gone now.
im so tired. been running around town helping his uncle from PJ make the funeral arrangement here in melaka. i just finished typing the funeral program for tmrw. got to go get some sleep now...if i can sleep that is.
hey vj, if you looking down now, sam is on the way up. looks like you two can continue playing pratical jokes on each other.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
went up to penang last friday for vj's funeral. the mood was in total contrast to my last visit there which was 6 years ago together with the salvation army. had a whale of a time with my friends then.
things were more depressing and sombre this time around. the funeral was held at the church of immaculate conception. it was a grand funeral with more than 150 in attendance. 44 of us classmates made the trip up. upon the request of vj's dad, we wore our white lab coats for the funeral service as a show of support. me and seven other classmates carried the coffin in while the rest lined both sides of the aisle from the entrance all the way to the altar.
the sermon by the priest was fantastic and so were the eulogies. befitting for a great person like vj. his remains were cremated and the ashes taken back to the US where his mother and sister now lives.
in this short life on mine, i personally had experienced the lost of someone close to me 6 times. the first was my dad's death when i was 15. it was a terrible personal tragedy and the iccident had a profound impact on my perception and way of life. till this day i feel uncomfortable watching with others an emotional scene involving a person's death on tv or in the cinema because it reminds me to much of my father's death and the mistakes i had made as a son. the sad and unwanted memories, all held up in a reservoir of despair at a corner of my mind, will come bursting through cracks on the wall, flooding and sinking my emotions. the only thing preventing me from crying is my sense of pride and ego.
but one thing i never did lose then was a sense of immortality. it was like, 'this is just going to happen once and thats it.' but as time passed by, more deaths followed and the sense of immortality begin to dissapear like morning dew slowly evaporating on a hot day. the fear that someone i really love might just go like that weighs heavily in my heart. sometimes, the mere thought of it makes me tear.
but i guess when it comes to matter pertaining to life and death, we are sometimes powerless to do anything bout it. faith in the Almighty is the only way. for in life, we as mortals can only do so much to predict the outcome of life. for all the uncertainty, the only thing certain in life is death.
things were more depressing and sombre this time around. the funeral was held at the church of immaculate conception. it was a grand funeral with more than 150 in attendance. 44 of us classmates made the trip up. upon the request of vj's dad, we wore our white lab coats for the funeral service as a show of support. me and seven other classmates carried the coffin in while the rest lined both sides of the aisle from the entrance all the way to the altar.
the sermon by the priest was fantastic and so were the eulogies. befitting for a great person like vj. his remains were cremated and the ashes taken back to the US where his mother and sister now lives.
in this short life on mine, i personally had experienced the lost of someone close to me 6 times. the first was my dad's death when i was 15. it was a terrible personal tragedy and the iccident had a profound impact on my perception and way of life. till this day i feel uncomfortable watching with others an emotional scene involving a person's death on tv or in the cinema because it reminds me to much of my father's death and the mistakes i had made as a son. the sad and unwanted memories, all held up in a reservoir of despair at a corner of my mind, will come bursting through cracks on the wall, flooding and sinking my emotions. the only thing preventing me from crying is my sense of pride and ego.
but one thing i never did lose then was a sense of immortality. it was like, 'this is just going to happen once and thats it.' but as time passed by, more deaths followed and the sense of immortality begin to dissapear like morning dew slowly evaporating on a hot day. the fear that someone i really love might just go like that weighs heavily in my heart. sometimes, the mere thought of it makes me tear.
but i guess when it comes to matter pertaining to life and death, we are sometimes powerless to do anything bout it. faith in the Almighty is the only way. for in life, we as mortals can only do so much to predict the outcome of life. for all the uncertainty, the only thing certain in life is death.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
two weeks ago i had my first posting in the labour theather. since im still in a junior stage of my medical program, i was there just to observe how things were being done. the first one and half hour went by boringly. i was with a mother who was just 6cm dilated. all i did was observe the cardiotopograph(instrument to measure the foetal heart rate and uterus contraction) and time the uterine contraction. was cursing my luck for picking the wrong mother cause by the time she is fully dilated(10cm) and ready to give birth, i will have to leave for my group discussion. but it was nice talking to the mother in between contraction. she is the same age as i. the nurses were nice and friendly. one senior nurse thought me quite a lot about vaginal examination.
at around 10.30, one of the doctor came in and asked me whether i was interested in doing a vaginal examination and an ARM(artificial rupture of membrane).
HOLLY SHIT!!! an ARM!!! i;ve never seen an ARM let alone do one. i've never seen the instrument used in an ARM before. what i had in my mind was this long metal rod with a big hook at the end of it. something like what the dentist use to dig in between your teeth, only in my mind it was bigger....much bigger. so i was afraid i might rupture more than just the membrane. hell, i might actually punture and hook the uterus and the baby's head. imagine seeing your newborn connected to the end of a metal rod.
so i chickened out. i told her i was new and had no experience. so she told me to do just the vaginal examination(later i saw that the ARM instrument was just a plastic rod the length of a pencil with a tiny weeenny hook at the end. guess i need to take some drugs to control my imagination).the lady was lying supine on the bed with her legs spread wide open and very much in pain.you'll be suprise how much the vagina can expand when a lady is in labor. we are suppose to put two fingers in but KNN, my entire hand almost went it man. talk about fisting!!! god damm!!!
thru the mother's shouts and groan of pain, there i was pretending to be an expert at what i do and telling the lady to breathe and relax. im sure if she was not in so much pain, she would have gotten up and whack me with the kidney tray and say, "RELAXS KEPALA HOTAK ENGKAU!! CUBA ENGKAU BERANAK LA, JANTAN SIAL!!!" well, thank god she was in pain.
after the doctor ruptured the membrane, clear fluid came out first. then came all the ooze with blood. and i had to hold the kidney tray near the lady's butt to try to prevent it from soiling the bed. oooh man.....lost all appetite for lunch.
but hey, 1month of this and i'll lose some serious weight. but for now i'll just have to live with the pregnant tummy of mine.
at around 10.30, one of the doctor came in and asked me whether i was interested in doing a vaginal examination and an ARM(artificial rupture of membrane).
HOLLY SHIT!!! an ARM!!! i;ve never seen an ARM let alone do one. i've never seen the instrument used in an ARM before. what i had in my mind was this long metal rod with a big hook at the end of it. something like what the dentist use to dig in between your teeth, only in my mind it was bigger....much bigger. so i was afraid i might rupture more than just the membrane. hell, i might actually punture and hook the uterus and the baby's head. imagine seeing your newborn connected to the end of a metal rod.
so i chickened out. i told her i was new and had no experience. so she told me to do just the vaginal examination(later i saw that the ARM instrument was just a plastic rod the length of a pencil with a tiny weeenny hook at the end. guess i need to take some drugs to control my imagination).the lady was lying supine on the bed with her legs spread wide open and very much in pain.you'll be suprise how much the vagina can expand when a lady is in labor. we are suppose to put two fingers in but KNN, my entire hand almost went it man. talk about fisting!!! god damm!!!
thru the mother's shouts and groan of pain, there i was pretending to be an expert at what i do and telling the lady to breathe and relax. im sure if she was not in so much pain, she would have gotten up and whack me with the kidney tray and say, "RELAXS KEPALA HOTAK ENGKAU!! CUBA ENGKAU BERANAK LA, JANTAN SIAL!!!" well, thank god she was in pain.
after the doctor ruptured the membrane, clear fluid came out first. then came all the ooze with blood. and i had to hold the kidney tray near the lady's butt to try to prevent it from soiling the bed. oooh man.....lost all appetite for lunch.
but hey, 1month of this and i'll lose some serious weight. but for now i'll just have to live with the pregnant tummy of mine.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
suicide in the hospital
few days back, a guy killed himself in the hospital i was posted in. he was a burmese psychiatric patient who was warded in the surgery ward which was on the 4th floor. he had just undergone a surgical procedure. for reasons only known to him, he left his bed and climbed on to the window ledge. my surgery lecturer saw him on the window ledge and tried to talk him down while all the nurses stood there. all to stunned to do anything. since he was a burmese guy i guess he didnt understand what my lecturer was saying and jumped off anyway. the lecturer managed to catch hold off his hand but couldnt get a firm grip and the guy's hand slipped off. he fell and landed on the cement floor on his head.
when i passed by the site where he landed an hour later, it was already cleaned up but you could see a big dark stain with some pinkish white materials around the area. must be the brain tissues.
the next day, none of of the local papers carried the story.was it because he was just some crazy burmese guy?? to insignificant to be mention. or was it a good cover up by the hospital administrator??
why was the guy not restrained if he was a psych patient?? what if he didnt jumped down but start to attack other patients and hospital staff??
who then should be responsible??
when i passed by the site where he landed an hour later, it was already cleaned up but you could see a big dark stain with some pinkish white materials around the area. must be the brain tissues.
the next day, none of of the local papers carried the story.was it because he was just some crazy burmese guy?? to insignificant to be mention. or was it a good cover up by the hospital administrator??
why was the guy not restrained if he was a psych patient?? what if he didnt jumped down but start to attack other patients and hospital staff??
who then should be responsible??
Sunday, July 10, 2005
between the age of 7 and 18, the day i hated the most every year was report card day. i was never a good student. worst still, i was never one who did my homework. so one week before report card day i would be shitting bricks already. and when that day eventually comes, my mom will stop her car at her favorite sundry shop and get the fattest thickest rotan she can find. once we reach the house, the catching game starts. she will be chasing me with the rotan on her left hand and the report card on the right hand. i will be shouting for my grandma and my dog. once i locked myself in my dad;s old volvo240 and got stuck in it for 30mins. thank god my grandma heard me banging on the trunk.
anyway, 2 weeks back the roles were reversed. mom was to busy with work in the shop so she send me to go collect my 12 year old brother;s report card. it was a walk down memory lane. my old primary school certainly hadnt changed much. the walls was in need of a new coat of paint. i had to wait in line with a bunch of uncles and aunties... ok ok...fathers and mothers. all of them were busy discussing bout their sons. i really felt out of place. suddenly this woman turned aroung and asked me, "which is your son??"
MY SON!!! cau cibai!!! never felt so insulted before. im just 23 years old. do i look like your husband's age?!?!?
fuck...its must be my tummy la. it was then that i decided that im gonna blow my first pay cheque on liposuction and a tummy tuck.
thru my hemorrhaging ego i told her that im here for my younger brother. and then she went 'ohhh' and embarrassment was written all over her face. she got over her embarrassment pretty fast cause a few minutes later she was complaining to me bout her son being lazy and and not studying hard. damm woman....do i look like i give a shit!!! and she kept on going and going going until it was my turn to go in. thank god.
it was good to see my old teacher. he was suprised when i told him i was his ex student. after telling him wat year i left standard 6 he went, 'oh yes yes..... kenny, james, madhu, adrian, andrew, kevin,darren, marvin, kenneth, gilbert, seet, lee, hafiz were all your classmates right!?!''
i went,"ah correct correct!! wah sir still can remember after so long ah,"
"sure can la. you all my student wat!!! anyway, whats your name ah??"
he remembers half the class but he couldnt find space for me in his memory. how touching.
after listening to him bout my brother;s academic performance in school, i thank him and left the class. on my way out, i stop in front of the lady who thought i was a father and said to her, "ok im going now. it was nice meeting you AUNTIE!"
when she heard that, she looked like she just got slapped.
revenge is sweet....
anyway, 2 weeks back the roles were reversed. mom was to busy with work in the shop so she send me to go collect my 12 year old brother;s report card. it was a walk down memory lane. my old primary school certainly hadnt changed much. the walls was in need of a new coat of paint. i had to wait in line with a bunch of uncles and aunties... ok ok...fathers and mothers. all of them were busy discussing bout their sons. i really felt out of place. suddenly this woman turned aroung and asked me, "which is your son??"
MY SON!!! cau cibai!!! never felt so insulted before. im just 23 years old. do i look like your husband's age?!?!?
fuck...its must be my tummy la. it was then that i decided that im gonna blow my first pay cheque on liposuction and a tummy tuck.
thru my hemorrhaging ego i told her that im here for my younger brother. and then she went 'ohhh' and embarrassment was written all over her face. she got over her embarrassment pretty fast cause a few minutes later she was complaining to me bout her son being lazy and and not studying hard. damm woman....do i look like i give a shit!!! and she kept on going and going going until it was my turn to go in. thank god.
it was good to see my old teacher. he was suprised when i told him i was his ex student. after telling him wat year i left standard 6 he went, 'oh yes yes..... kenny, james, madhu, adrian, andrew, kevin,darren, marvin, kenneth, gilbert, seet, lee, hafiz were all your classmates right!?!''
i went,"ah correct correct!! wah sir still can remember after so long ah,"
"sure can la. you all my student wat!!! anyway, whats your name ah??"
he remembers half the class but he couldnt find space for me in his memory. how touching.
after listening to him bout my brother;s academic performance in school, i thank him and left the class. on my way out, i stop in front of the lady who thought i was a father and said to her, "ok im going now. it was nice meeting you AUNTIE!"
when she heard that, she looked like she just got slapped.
revenge is sweet....
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
MJ is cuming
fans of MJ in malaysia are going wild with excitement with reports saying that the "king of pop/paedophile" is coming to malaysia to perform in a charity concert to raise funds for HIV infected childrens. the concert which is themed "Cum as one for charity" will act as a perfect platform for MJ to repair his battered image after the recent child molestation trial. On why funds are raised just for HIV childrens and not for children with cancer, an aide close to MJ was reported to have said that the singer is fed up with cancer patients who has a tendency to 'kiss and tell.' the singer is said to feel strongly about this issue and is hurt that the boys are selling stories about their sex-capades to the tabloids.
in order to potray a more honest image of himself to his fans, jackson has indicated that there will be major changes to all his previous hit songs, and the malaysian fans will have the chance to be the first in the world to hear them. among the songs which will be reproduced are Black or White(i love them all), Billie Jean is not my lover(she is just a girl after all), Heal my face(make it a better face) and You are not alone(i am here with you...on the bed). talks are also in progress to have MJ and britney spears do a duet on britney's debut hit song "Oops, i did it again." MJ is also seeking the right from MC Hammer to reproduce and perform Hammer's hit song "Cant touch this." the reproduced song will be titled "Cant sue me!!"
it was also learnt that Elton John had also written to MJ saying that he will like to perform with him, on stage and backstage, but was told nicely by people in MJ's camp that MJ prefer younger boys to him.
female fans, however, will not be happy to learn of reports that only boys under the age of 12 will have free back stage passes. when contacted, MJ said that this was not true, as nurses in the reproductive age group who are working for plastic surgeons will receive free back stage passes as well.
after the trial in america, MJ indicated that he is sick and tired of the media glare in the US and he will like to settle down in asia, with cambodia or thailand his prefered choice. the singer is said to be deeply concerned bout the sex industry involving young boys there and he will do HIS PART to show these boys what TRUE LOVE is all about. a close personal friend of MJ said that the singer plans to sell off his Neverland ranch. plans are in the pipeline in either country to built a mansion with a giant bed that can accomodate more than 10 boys at once with jackson. MJ will call his new home "Nonokland."
in order to potray a more honest image of himself to his fans, jackson has indicated that there will be major changes to all his previous hit songs, and the malaysian fans will have the chance to be the first in the world to hear them. among the songs which will be reproduced are Black or White(i love them all), Billie Jean is not my lover(she is just a girl after all), Heal my face(make it a better face) and You are not alone(i am here with you...on the bed). talks are also in progress to have MJ and britney spears do a duet on britney's debut hit song "Oops, i did it again." MJ is also seeking the right from MC Hammer to reproduce and perform Hammer's hit song "Cant touch this." the reproduced song will be titled "Cant sue me!!"
it was also learnt that Elton John had also written to MJ saying that he will like to perform with him, on stage and backstage, but was told nicely by people in MJ's camp that MJ prefer younger boys to him.
female fans, however, will not be happy to learn of reports that only boys under the age of 12 will have free back stage passes. when contacted, MJ said that this was not true, as nurses in the reproductive age group who are working for plastic surgeons will receive free back stage passes as well.
after the trial in america, MJ indicated that he is sick and tired of the media glare in the US and he will like to settle down in asia, with cambodia or thailand his prefered choice. the singer is said to be deeply concerned bout the sex industry involving young boys there and he will do HIS PART to show these boys what TRUE LOVE is all about. a close personal friend of MJ said that the singer plans to sell off his Neverland ranch. plans are in the pipeline in either country to built a mansion with a giant bed that can accomodate more than 10 boys at once with jackson. MJ will call his new home "Nonokland."
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
moral police
two malay guys were charged yesterday in the syariah court for consuming alcoholic bevarages(stout) in a coffee shop. it is normal for them to get caught and prosecuted but what suprised everyone was that they were given the maximum punishment of 6 rotans for their crime.
shit man!! 6 rotans for drinking stout!! thank god i aint a muslim in this country.
i think all this 'moral policing' should stop. its unbecoming of a nation who aspires to be a developed country but is still trap in a stone age mentality. what one does in one's own life is one's own business, just as long as his action does not harm the rest of the community. even our first prime minister tungku abdul rahman is a big fan of brandy. he was once asked bout his drinking habit and the fact that he was a muslim. he famously replied, 'what i do here in my life, is between me and god when i die.'
well, its something the muslims themselves have to solve. for the rest of my friends with the 'extra skin'......... BOTTOMS UP DUDE!!!!
shit man!! 6 rotans for drinking stout!! thank god i aint a muslim in this country.
i think all this 'moral policing' should stop. its unbecoming of a nation who aspires to be a developed country but is still trap in a stone age mentality. what one does in one's own life is one's own business, just as long as his action does not harm the rest of the community. even our first prime minister tungku abdul rahman is a big fan of brandy. he was once asked bout his drinking habit and the fact that he was a muslim. he famously replied, 'what i do here in my life, is between me and god when i die.'
well, its something the muslims themselves have to solve. for the rest of my friends with the 'extra skin'......... BOTTOMS UP DUDE!!!!
Thursday, June 09, 2005
wantan mee's theory on human genesis
christians and scientists have been at logger heads about how we humans came to be in this planet. scientists propagate the idea that we all evolved from apes. but the problem is no one can find that missing link between us humans and our banana loving cousins. the church says that adam and eve were the first human to walk on earth and we are the products of their conception. we all know that both of them got banished from the garden of eden when they went to eat that forbiden apple(thanks to eve!!!!) and later went on to have 2 sons(cane and able). the mystery here lies in the fact that the bible does not say anything about cane and able producing more offsprings. hence there is a missing link here to.
ok so this is wantan mee's theory:
god did produced adam and eve. they were indeed the first people to have set foot on earth. but they were not made as humans, but monkeys/primates(whatever). and they were not the only monkey on earth. there were many other monkeys as well. the only difference was that adam and eve were the chosen one and they lived in the garden of eden while other monkeys had to live outside of it. why they had to live outside?? cause god said so. same reason why he made some rich and others poor. or why some are dead drop gorgeous while others have looks that make your lampah(dick) drop dead. so anyway, when adam and eve got kicked out for eating that apple, they had to live outside with the other monkeys. either cane or able(one them got killed. i cant remember who) must have had sex with one of the monkeys and produced an offspring and other monkeys were busy getting jiggy with it as well and then produced their own offsprings. the circle of life thingy then goes on and on and on....... and after thousands and million of years, with evolution and mutation we come to be what we are now.
however there is one big problem with this theory of mine. its written in the bible that god created man in his own image.
so does that mean we humans are actually worshiping a MONKEY??!!?
ok so this is wantan mee's theory:
god did produced adam and eve. they were indeed the first people to have set foot on earth. but they were not made as humans, but monkeys/primates(whatever). and they were not the only monkey on earth. there were many other monkeys as well. the only difference was that adam and eve were the chosen one and they lived in the garden of eden while other monkeys had to live outside of it. why they had to live outside?? cause god said so. same reason why he made some rich and others poor. or why some are dead drop gorgeous while others have looks that make your lampah(dick) drop dead. so anyway, when adam and eve got kicked out for eating that apple, they had to live outside with the other monkeys. either cane or able(one them got killed. i cant remember who) must have had sex with one of the monkeys and produced an offspring and other monkeys were busy getting jiggy with it as well and then produced their own offsprings. the circle of life thingy then goes on and on and on....... and after thousands and million of years, with evolution and mutation we come to be what we are now.
however there is one big problem with this theory of mine. its written in the bible that god created man in his own image.
so does that mean we humans are actually worshiping a MONKEY??!!?
in the medical ward
im now posted in the medicine ward. on tuesday the case for group discussion was about this old man who was having hematuria (blood in the urine) due to warfarin over dosed. besides that he has a list of other health problems. to name a few: ischemic heart diseae, bronchial asthma, Klebsiella pneumonia, cholilethiasis etc.... warfarin was given because he was having atrial fibrilation(a condition where the heart is not beating according to a fixed rhythm). because the warfarin administration was not monitored, he had an overdosed of it. this happened in one of the private hospitals here. he was then transferred to the general hospital when his family couldnt afford to pay the astronomical medical fees the private hospital was charging for its ICU facility.
before leaving the hospital, i spoke to his god daughter for a moment. she was very concerned bout his condition especially bout his heart condition. i assured her that he was fine and that his heart would hold out just fine.
next morning when i went to the ward to do a follow up i was informed by my friend that the old man passed away during the night.
before leaving the hospital, i spoke to his god daughter for a moment. she was very concerned bout his condition especially bout his heart condition. i assured her that he was fine and that his heart would hold out just fine.
next morning when i went to the ward to do a follow up i was informed by my friend that the old man passed away during the night.
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