day 4: A refugee's story

Khaw (not his real name), a burmese refugee, has been in and out of malaysia since 1991.he is an ethnic chin and hails from the Chin state(light blue on the map) which lies next to india and bangladesh. life was real hard in myanmar and job opportunity are far and few between. ocassionally he will cross over the border into india to do some trading. most often than not he will be stopped by the burmese army or the chin national army(a militant group figthing the junta goverment) who expect him to pay a large amount of money before he can cross the border. the army regularly dropped by his village to seek for a bribe or to harass the people in his village because they are chins. the chins have been fighting against the junta goverment for many years now to seek the right to form an autonomous state, free from the meddling hands of the opressive and corrupt military goverment. it is not uncommon for the chins to be caught and thrown into jail on mere suspicion alone for being a militant. once there, words can never fully describe the horror of torture and human rights abuse.

motivated by the desire to run away from the hardship of life and prosecution, Khaw finally paid RM1,500 (equivalent to what he makes in 9 months) to a group of human smugglers to help him enter malaysia illegally. he travelled by land all the way from the Chin state through thailand and into malaysia. once here, he got a job working in a construction site. work was hard and long and the pay minimal but at least he has a job and he was earning more than what he did in myanmar. he is one of the lucky few whose employers actually paid their wages. many refugees work for months only to be told at the end by the employers to take a hike without their pay. and these people cant do anything bout it cause they are in this country illegally and they cannot seek a legal recourse.

since 1991, Khaw has been caught(officially) and detained a total of 6 times. sometimes, the arresting officer (most of the time are rela members) would ask for a bribe. anything from money to handphone to watches will do. for those time that he did not have any valuables with him, he was detained. it is no suprise that he has little or no respect at all for men in uniform.

he has been to almost all the detention camp in malaysia. he said living condition in detention camp was terrible. the toilet has no flush or water. everyone just sleeps on the floor and the detainees are not allowed to leave their living quarters. food was bad. most of the time its just plain rice with a few miserable strains of green veg or half an egg. they only receive chicken meat once a week and it aint real big a piece. however, he denies ever being physically abuse by the detention camp officers.

he was was once found guilty by the court for entering the country illegally and was thrown into jail for a few months. he recalls, "lepas 3-4 bulan kat penjara, saya sudah boleh keluar. kertas kertas semua sudah sign barang semua dah kasi balik. tiba-tiba dia check sama record, penjara punya orang kata dia orang sudah lupa kasi saya rotan. dia cakap saya kena tinggal kat penjara untuk 3-4 hari lagi supaya dia orang boleh rotan saya. saya cakap you rotan saya sekarang saja. saya tak mau tinggal sini lagi."

so he was tied down to a plastic barrel with a guard holding his head down and he was given a stroke of the rotan. he said it was the most painful thing he had ever had to endure. "fuyoh, dia punya sakit, langsung tak boleh tahan. sakit gila!! 4 hari tak boleh duduk baik baik." and what did they do for him after that??

"dia kasi kain untuk sapu buntut dan satu panadol," he said, laughing.

once arrangements has been made, the burmese refugees are herded into a truck and are deported at the thailand border. at the borfer, they are released but groups of human smugglers (acting after being tip off by the immigration officers) will quickly get hold of them and they are kept locked up. there are only 2 outcomes. you either pay the smugglers RM1,500 for them to smuggle you back into malaysia or you dont pay and they will sell you into SLAVERY for RM5,000. i was shock when he told me that. at this time and age, slavery actually still exist. most of the time it is rich thai fisherman that buys them and the refugees have to work till the master feels they have done enough to pay off the RM5000. that can take up to 10-15 years.

Khaw had saved enough money to bring his wife, daughter and son into the country, illegally of course. they are living together in a room in a run down apartment. two other rooms are occupied by chinese and philipine illegal immigrants. Khaw and his family are now registered with UNHCR and are waiting to be resettle into America. depsite having UNHCR document stating that they are political refugees, they are still living in constant fear. they are not safe from the hands of law because malaysia is not a signatory of the 1951 Convention relating to the Status of a Refugee. that means even with the UNHCR document, they can still be caught, charged in court and deported back to their country, which usually means death or imprisonment.

before i had to run off to continue with my work, i asked him if things got better in myanmar, will he want to go back. he replied, "tentu balik. myanmar rumah saya dan juga tempat terbaik. tapi kena tunggu demokrasi datang dulu."

"tapi itu tak tau berapa lama lagi...."

day 2: batu arang

arrived here late in the afternoon. the place is dead. almost like a cow boy town. but i kind of enjoy the peaceful and tranquil atmosphere. and the air is fresh except for the ocassional smell of fresh wet cow dung.

the NGO have a real nice set up here. the hospital is so clean. cleaner than most of the hospital i've been. the patients themselves clean the hospital up. there is a duty roaster set up and every patient has a role to play unless they are very ill or unable to move. and unlike most hospitals, there is a real feeling of closeness and bonding among the patients and staffs. . there is a burmese doctor and a volunteer french nurse here. they are the one who look after the patients and make any necessary appointments with UNHCR and the local hospitals.

most of the patients here are refugees from burma and nepal. most come with tuberculosis and work site accident injuries. there is a there is a 19 year old kid with Pulmonary TB and he weighs only 39kg. he is nothing but a pack of bones. another guy had renal TB so they had to remove his kidneys cause it was only functioning at 10%. another guy had to had part of his intestine removed 'cause of TB as well.

few other guys came in with fractures or crush injuries. this particular guy's story is pretty sad. he is a burmese refugee working somewhere in kl when he met with an accident and had an open fracture of his tibia two years ago. he developed osteomyelitis and it was not responding to medical treatment. the only option left was surgery but he couldnt raise the RM5K needed so he has been on external fixators ever since then. two whole bloody years. and because of that he could not seek employement anywhere.

the food here is actually not bad...if you are into hard labour. the amount of carb in the diet is crazy. i had a real HUGE plate of rice, some veg, dhal gravy, a piece f chicken wing that probably came from somalia (it was so bloody thin) and 1/10th of a chicken neck. but not to fear, the first thing i did was to scout the small town and i found quite a number of shops selling pork.

heading there for dinner now.

day 1: country mouse goes to the city

had to drop by in brickfields first to settle some personal issues. this was my first time in brickfields. when i got off KL Sentral and walked off into brickfields, for a moment i thought i was back in india. indians were everwhere man. for a good twenty minutes of walking i saw no other malay or chinaman but me. the only difference from india was there were no cows walking on the sidewalk and no crazy auto rickshaw drivers.

met up with the NGO guys in their office. nice bunch of ppl. i will be spending most of my time in PJ instead of batu arang cause it will be easier for me to travel to all the different settlement and detention centers scattered around kl.

Mad, my old school friend was kind enough to let me bunk over his place for the next month. and his place is very near the infamous gasing hill. might just drop by one day to check if the rumor bout ppl getting jiggy there is true or not.

No wantan mee for a month

yoo ppl....

this would probably be my last post....not permanently though. wont be writing anything for a month or so cause i would be off to do my electives in some ulu kampung area called batu arang. if you cant recall the place, i suggest you go to your store room, blow off the dust from your form 2 geography text book and look into it. its an old mining town 45 minutes off from rawang. from wat RG told me, there is nothing but old mines,trees, old mines, trees, old mines.....so i really dont think they have internet connection there. but oh god, i pray the people there do cook pork.

its basically a NGO setup catering to the needs of the migrant society in our country. most of these people do not have access to health care primarily because of financial difficulty and also because of fear of running into the arms of law as most of them are illegal migrants.

the reason i chose this place is because i want to know whether im cut out to do what 'i believe' is to be my calling in life. this is a hell of a good way to find out whether i was suffering from hallucinations and delusions all these years. you know the saying, "when you talk to god, its called praying. but when god talks to you its called schizophrenia."

of course the added incentives was that i was told that i would get the chance to work with people from Doctos Without Borders (Medicens Sans Frontieres). but the greater incentive of all was that i dont need to wear a tie or a lab coat and can go about their place with shorts and tshirts. kanineh, straight i said yes man. no need to think twice.

so hopefully by the time i come back i;ll have lots of stupid stories to write and would have lost enough of weight so that some dumb 5 year old kid in the hospital wont be calling me "badak sumbu."

KNN!!!

mental health

When someone falls to his death, it is not the person's failure in life. It is society’s failure to listen to him.

SUHAINI AZNAM, columnist in the Star newspaper, on why suicide occurs in our community.

Its a mad mad world...

he wrote a very good article on mental health care in malaysia especially focusing on depression and suicide in the Star paper.

these are some cold hard facts from WHO:

• 450 million people world wide are affected by either a mental, neurological or behavioural problem at any one time.
• about 873 000 people die of depression each year.
• one in 4 patients who seeks health care has at least one mental, neurological or behavioural problem but these are often not diagnosed nor treated.
• most country designate less than 1% of their health care budget to mental health.
in malaysia, with a population of 27 million, there are currently less than 1,000 psychiatrist in the goverment hospital and fewer still in the private sector. for example in the state of melaka, there are only 2 psychiatrists in the private practice. annually, only 40 psychiatrists are produce in this country.

the low number of psychiatrist in this country boils down to the fact that many in our society still do not understand the importance of mental health. people with mental illness are stigmatized and discriminated by society. the only friends they have as they wonder around cities or towns semi-naked or in rags are isolation and poverty. even within the medical fraternity itself, psychiatry is sadly considered as an outcast of the medical pratice. while this way of thinking is slowly changing, we are still a long way off in accepting mental health as a medical disease.

our body gets sick sometimes. when an infection occurs, it manifest as fever. when we have a viral infection of the respiratory tract, it manifest as a cough or a stuffed nose. the brain is a part of the body. and like any part of the body it is succeptible to diseases. its funny how society cant apply the same concept when trying to accept mental illness. we rather brand these people as "otak tak center", "tiga suku" , "siow lang" (and the list goes on) etc.society also tend to have this deep rooted fear for people who are mentally unwell. the movie "Psycho" didnt help make things any better as well. instead i think it had the same impact of those with mental illness as "JAWS" had on the shark population. People with mental illness are often thought as people who are violent and dangerous when it is they who are more likely to endure violence. they, more often than not are victims of hate crimes and rape.

robbed off a sound mind by fate, able minded people go one better by robbing them of their dignity. they are ostracized and are often banished to one corner of town. in some families, a family member who is mentally ill of even mentally challenged are tied to a pillar by a chain or locked in a room. cut off from the outside world as though they never existed. to these families, its not about locking away a creation of God for his/her own benefit. its the hiding of a family shame to uphold and protect the family's pride.

but i guess you cant lay all blame on society alone. knowledge on mental disease is still very minimal and understanding of the pathophysiology of it is at best at an infancy level. the most they can up are hypothesis and thats about it. if even doctors and scientist arent definately sure as to why it happens, what more bout the uneducated. as the saying goes "you fear what you dont know." much of the stigma surrounding disease can be prevented by making society more aware of it and by setting up support group members among people who has a loved one who is mentally ill.

but as long as mental health is not viewed as a medical condition but as a weakness of character or a punishment from god for past family sins, the cycle will continue.

being a non-bumi malaysian

few months back there was this big controversy that occured in UPM. apparently it was orientation week and the student council was having it in the cafetaria or some sort. so step in a few UPM chinese students from another association who set up a table to have their own recruitment drive. so a argument....wait let me rephrase that, a "BULLYING" session started. council had some 20 odd students while the chinese group had only some 5-7 fellas.

i read bout it in the papers and did not felt a thing. i thought it was just another misunderstanding that when a bit out of hand. at that time i just couldnt understand what the whole fuss was bout. that was until i saw the video and hour ago on U-tube....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndYvb7GvLDk

when i saw the video i was fucking pissed!!!! 20 odd of them harassing a small group of chinese (the bookworm defenceless type) which included a few girl members. idiots were pushing them around, shoving their shoes and football boots at their faces and screaming at them. and the only thing the poor chink could do was the shout, "Jangan gaduh! Jangan gaduh!!" and all those bastards were laughing at him.

ok look, im not angry because im a chinese and it was the chinese getting pushed around here. i have many friends from all races. if the situation was reversed i would be ashame and angry as well. 20 against 7. how brave of them. how fair can that be. why dont they try doing the same thing down in Petaling street or Jinjang. bloody cowards....

anyway, because the vidoe was mass circulated in the internet, the local chinese press picked it up and it made headlines. due to the public outcry and political pressure UPM had an inquiry into the matter. all the perpetrators were let off with a stern warning becaue their actions were deemed "not serious" as they were just "pushing people and chairs". if you ask me, they got off lightly. you can go speculate why why they got off easy.

on retrospect, the chinse students were wrong in the first place to set up their counter since they have not got official approval from the administration. but a bigger crime was definately committed by the members of the student council. one can understand their anger of having their space intruded, but we are not animals and they are university students at an age where a certain level of maturity would have set in. to behave in the manner they had is shameful and down right disgusting.

the matter did not end after the inquiry. a cyber war of sorts was being raged on the internet. i got a real shocked when i read some of the comments posted on U-Tube.

meangirl: Kudos for Malays!That's what happened when they let Malays/Bumis get into the university with mediocre scores while the Chinese could be denied despite of earning excellent results.

broaguy: fuck you meangirl88, i hope i can fuck your mom and force your dad to fuck you in front of ur buddha statue..fuck u slit eyes..u pig-faced freak chinese

hansiam: brogaguy pls enjoy urself... after that pls use ur fucking koran clean ur sperm!!! ok.

a center for higher education is suppose to be a place where future leaders of this country is being shaped. based on these comments, things dont look to bright for our country. but there is always hope

whitedice29: can we stop the hating in this thread...its just making things worst.wat the diff between u and the guys in the vid if ur going at each others throat like this?theres no diff at all..and please leave the topic religion free...its not a good thing to read.might be hard to control these kinds of violence,but if people who reads this cant even think rasionally,might as well just leave the dream of having world peace.

after 49 years of Merdeka, its sad that we still live under the shadow of racialism. some older people i know feel things are no better than when we were under the british. in fact, they believe that it has actually worsen. lets face it man. we are not as MUHIBAH as we like to potray ourselves to be to the world. you see posters of chinese, malays and indians smilling together as though there is no promblem in the world. yeah right. "air yang tenang jangan disangka tiada buaya." we are living under the constant threat of racial disintegration. i cant help but feel that i would see a racial riot happening in the not to distant future. i've already seen one in this life time (kg gandhi and kg baru incident). under the apparently placid smooth waters of racial relationship, there is a storm brewing from underneath.

and why not. the finger cannot be pointed to the normal rakyat may they be malays, chinese, indians, kadazans, ibans etc. how can the rakyat themselves hope to work with each other in harmony when polliticians and leaders in this country constantly play the race card in order to enhance their standing in their community. how can there be hope if the goverment doesnt have the political will to make hard, unpopular but RIGHT decision that will ensure fairness for all communities. the rakyat look up to their leaders for direction and guidance. if the leader is just a power hungry, selfish piece of shit then how?? how long more before all of us realises that we are MALAYSIANS and not malays, chinese, indians etc??

sometimes as a malaysian chinese, i get the felling that im growing and living on a rented house. you live and grow in it. you love the house and have many fond memories but the land lord constantly reminds you that its not your place and that you are are lucky to be living there as though you dont deserve to be there. and when there is a big problem with the house and you want it fix, the land lord says that its your problem and if you dont like it, you can move out. that is seriously how i feel.

how many times have us non-malays been told to "balik tongsan" or "balik india"??? how many times have we heard of stories of hardworking non-malays in the civil service being passed off for a promotion to a young upstart because of the colour of skin or the name in which he calls God. how many times have we read in the papers of non-malay students with exceptional academic performance failing to get into the university or a scholarship? how many times have we read of orang asli kampungs who do not have clean water supply and electricity??

look, im not against helping those really in need in this country. if you want to give scholarship to poor but deserving students, give them by all means. if you want to help new businessman in the dog eat dog world of business, by all means give it to them. but it seems that only the bumis that are on the receiving end of most things. are there only poor bumis in this country?? are there no poor or derserving people from other races?? im not denying the fact that chinese and indian students do receive scholarships etc, but there are so many more being left to fend for themselves. and who looses out in the end?? why go crying about brain drain everytime and calling those working overseas as un-patriotic?? why ask stupid questions like, "how come non-malays are joining the civil service and police??" if you put such racially discriminating policies, of course they wont want to come back or join the civil service.

why do we always get the impression that we are just visitors in this country. my forefathers might come from a foreign land on a boat but i was born and raised a Malaysian. i know no other country then this. my mother land aint china!!! my mother land is Malaysia and am proud to say that it!! unlike some people i know who wants migrate from this country, i would never do so. why would i?? i know no other home but malaysia. and i love my home.

my fore fathers and the forefathers of others from various races did their part in helping Malaysia earn her indepence and make Malaysia what it is today. why then are we not able to enjoy the same benefits. other races pay their taxes dont they?? we help built up the economy didnt we??

WHY???

i love my country, malaysia dearly. but does my country love me??