Toilet paper please, im chinese

i have a serious bowel problem. when i say i need to take a dump, it means i REALLY need to shit. no gaps or buts in between.

so the other day after having a huge dinner with a few friends, i headed back to the library to continue studying for my mid semester (coincidentally i was studying bout the colon and rectum). then out of the blue i had this great irrepressible urge to go take a dump. so i headed straight to the library toilet only to find that there were no toilet papers in all 3 cubicles. each student pays a quater of million and they cant afford to stock up toilet papers. i would have curse the college outloud in hokkien if i wasnt focussing my entire energy on my anal sphincter.

i had no choice but to run up to the second floor and use the toilet there. by this time my arse was on the verge of exploding and releasing whatever foul contents it held. and i didnt dare climbed the stairs 2 steps at a time for fearing that excessive spreading of my legs would lead to a toxic waste disaster at the stair well and ruin my image and my medical career even before it started.

so when i eventually reached the toilet, i rushed into the first cubicle, removed my pants and
PPPPRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP...........poot....

ahhhhh!!! what a feeling. what a relieve. at times like that it makes wonder if the satisfaction you get from emptying your bowels is better than having an orgasm.

but when my right hand reached out to grab some toilet paper there was none. NO TOILET PAPER??!?!?! MAIII CHEEEPET!!!!

WTF!! does the college administration realise that chinese students make up 35% of the student population??? we are chinese!!!! we use toilet paper. we use pangsai chua. how to pangsai and not have pangsai-chua after that.

Kanineh!!! had no other choice but to cebok (thats ass washing to the uninformed). i grabbed the bitet and aimed blindly at my arse( i dont know how those buggars can aim without looking). when i squezzed the trigger, no water came out. not a single fucking drop.

ARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

this is turning out to be a real nightmare. how the hell am i going to clean my ass now?? no tissue papers. no text book. no A4 pad. nothing. (back in secondary school, i was once caught in the same situation but i had with me my buku undang-undang. so....go figure).

this is a serious shit (literally) of a problem.

one option is to walk over to the next cubicle. since there is nobody in the toilet at that time and taking into account my dire situation, i decided it was worth the risk. now i cant pull up my pants and walked out cause that would mean soiling my underwear and pants. so i had to leave my pants hanging mid-thigh with my right hand clinging on to it while my left hand held on to the back part of my shirt. as i left my cubicle, i was hoping for 3 things:

1. that god has had enough fun with me
2. there is actually toilet paper there
3. and no one walks into the toilet at that time

and i was off.

it was crazy. i was like donald duck in a sprint race.

wobble wobble wobble.

and my dick was swinging like a pendulum.

thank god there was toilet paper in next cubicle. but before i could wipe my ass my hp rang.

me: yah harllo
mamat: hello MR tan!!! how you man??
me: eh mamat. i ok. eh i busy now. call me back later.
mamat: you busy with wat balls??
me: i making a "deposit" now la.
mamat: serious??! so late at night?? can ah??
me: ya ya ya
mamat: which bank is this man??

fucking moron!!!!!!