best sister day....

I LOVE YOU! 2day is best sister (zi mui) day. send this 2 ALL ur sisters inlcuding me if I am one. if you get back 7 you are LOVED!!

i got severeal of this SMS last friday. see the problem if you get to close with the fairer sex. they all start thinking you are their zi mui.

im a GUY dammit!!! call me heng tai ok la.

dont call me your zi mui!!

*frust*frust*

next time i think i need to show them my Willie and the twins just so they know.......

im a fat boy?!?!?

for the past 4 days i've been following the progress of this HIV patient who was admitted for left sided paralysis. due to HIV status, it was suspected that the left sided body paralysis was likely to be cause by a cerebral infection(eg: toxoplasmosis, cerebral abscess, neurocysticercosis).

the dude doesnt have much visitors except for his sister who visits him periodically. all his family members had disown him cause of his HIV status and plus he is a pimp by profession and an active IV drug user.

anyway, on the first few days he would tell me he is hungry and that he wants to eat but no one is there to buy him food and the he does not agree with the hospital food. so i bought him some simple cake during my break time. the next day, he said he wanted coke with the cake. so i got him. on the third day, he wanted two packets of cake and a coke. on the 4th day, he wanted the same plus cigarettes. wah lau, melebih man!!!! i bought him the everything but the coke.

on the fifth day i was pretty busy with other stuff so i did not follow up on him in the morning. but in the afternoon, i went to his ward to observe a pleural tap (they stick a needle into your lung to remove whatever fluid or pus thats in it. oh yeah, and the doctor that did that procedure, well he stick the needle into the left lung when the lesion was on the right lung). during the procedure suddenly i heard him calling out "FEH CHAI!! FEH CHAI!!!" (fat boy)

i didnt bother looking at his direction as i was to engrossed looking at the procedure. i thought he was calling out for someone else. and he kept calling out, "WEI FEHH CHOO!!FEHH CHOO AH!!!(fat pig)

when i turned at his direction only did i realised he was calling me.

ME??!!!! he is calling me a FAT PIG!!!

MAI CIBAI!!!!!

i walked towards him with ego also bruised up and mood suddenly being real foul,

me: ah, why you calling me for??
pts: why never buy food for me??
me: how i know you want food?? you also never tell me you want food.
pts: who said i never tell you?? you promised you'll buy this morning!!

kanineh!!! i was not in the ward the whole day, how the hell i could have promised you to get you food. and some more call me a fat pig in front of the whole fucking ward then expect me to buy food for you. KNNCC!!!! Tiu leh lor mor la!!!

me: ok ok. i'll get you later.
pts: make sure ah!! you dont forget again. if not i wont trust you fat people again.

yah, like your trust means a lot to me.

po-dah la!! pandi sutek na ket

anyway, i left the hospital in the afternoon forgetting to get him food.

and i dont feel bad bout it.

i feel death approaching

surgery posting is this monday

oh yes, im meeting HIM again

Toilet paper please, im chinese

i have a serious bowel problem. when i say i need to take a dump, it means i REALLY need to shit. no gaps or buts in between.

so the other day after having a huge dinner with a few friends, i headed back to the library to continue studying for my mid semester (coincidentally i was studying bout the colon and rectum). then out of the blue i had this great irrepressible urge to go take a dump. so i headed straight to the library toilet only to find that there were no toilet papers in all 3 cubicles. each student pays a quater of million and they cant afford to stock up toilet papers. i would have curse the college outloud in hokkien if i wasnt focussing my entire energy on my anal sphincter.

i had no choice but to run up to the second floor and use the toilet there. by this time my arse was on the verge of exploding and releasing whatever foul contents it held. and i didnt dare climbed the stairs 2 steps at a time for fearing that excessive spreading of my legs would lead to a toxic waste disaster at the stair well and ruin my image and my medical career even before it started.

so when i eventually reached the toilet, i rushed into the first cubicle, removed my pants and
PPPPRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP...........poot....

ahhhhh!!! what a feeling. what a relieve. at times like that it makes wonder if the satisfaction you get from emptying your bowels is better than having an orgasm.

but when my right hand reached out to grab some toilet paper there was none. NO TOILET PAPER??!?!?! MAIII CHEEEPET!!!!

WTF!! does the college administration realise that chinese students make up 35% of the student population??? we are chinese!!!! we use toilet paper. we use pangsai chua. how to pangsai and not have pangsai-chua after that.

Kanineh!!! had no other choice but to cebok (thats ass washing to the uninformed). i grabbed the bitet and aimed blindly at my arse( i dont know how those buggars can aim without looking). when i squezzed the trigger, no water came out. not a single fucking drop.

ARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

this is turning out to be a real nightmare. how the hell am i going to clean my ass now?? no tissue papers. no text book. no A4 pad. nothing. (back in secondary school, i was once caught in the same situation but i had with me my buku undang-undang. so....go figure).

this is a serious shit (literally) of a problem.

one option is to walk over to the next cubicle. since there is nobody in the toilet at that time and taking into account my dire situation, i decided it was worth the risk. now i cant pull up my pants and walked out cause that would mean soiling my underwear and pants. so i had to leave my pants hanging mid-thigh with my right hand clinging on to it while my left hand held on to the back part of my shirt. as i left my cubicle, i was hoping for 3 things:

1. that god has had enough fun with me
2. there is actually toilet paper there
3. and no one walks into the toilet at that time

and i was off.

it was crazy. i was like donald duck in a sprint race.

wobble wobble wobble.

and my dick was swinging like a pendulum.

thank god there was toilet paper in next cubicle. but before i could wipe my ass my hp rang.

me: yah harllo
mamat: hello MR tan!!! how you man??
me: eh mamat. i ok. eh i busy now. call me back later.
mamat: you busy with wat balls??
me: i making a "deposit" now la.
mamat: serious??! so late at night?? can ah??
me: ya ya ya
mamat: which bank is this man??

fucking moron!!!!!!