Cranky Old Fart

two days ago, i was assigned to take the history and examine this 81 year old chinese(hokkien) man. buggar is the crankiest patient i've ever came across. he was admitted for shortness of breath and productive cough for the past 2 weeks. at the same time i noticed he had echymotic and purpura lesions all over his upper limb, lower limb and chest. so i enquired bout it and this was the conversation went

(conversation was in hokkien)

me: ah pek ah, how long you been have this lesion??
COF: lu see tenang ah?? (are you chinese??)
me: ah see see. wah see tenang lang(yes yes im chinese.)
COF: lu gong balak eh tenang la!!! lu men chai chee geh semua eh lau tenang lang pun tiok eh!!! haiyahhh. see beh gong eh loh kun lar lu!! (you stupid chinese la!!! dont you know that all old chinese men will have this skin lesion!! what kind of stupid doctor are you.)

according to his file he is also a known case of congestive cardiac failure, hypertension and chronic obstructive airway disease.

me: ah pek ah?? lu ooh see mee see mee pee boh?? (ahpek, do you have any other illness)
COF: boh la boh la!!! lu mai chah see chah lang la(no la no la!! dont bug me)
me: lu ooh chak yok boh??(are you on medication)
COF: ooh(got)
me: eh yok chak choh see mee leh?? (what are the medication for)
COF: AIYAH!!! men chai lar. (aiyah, i dont know lar)
me: lu boh mui loh kun ah??(didnt you ask the doctor)
COF: MUI LAI KAM LAN AH!!?? ee kong see mek wah pun boh bim pek. loh kun kioh wah chiak, wah mai chiak lor.Hai yah!!!(ask for what, to suck cock isit!!?? what he said also i dont understand. doctor asked me to eat, i eat lor. hai yah!!)

on his social history

me: ah pek, lu see kah siang kiah? (ah pek, who are you living with)
COF: kah wah eh boh kiah la!! na wei!! wah mui lo, lu see kar lu eh lau boo kiah see boh?? wah lau weh, lu ah. meng ang kan eh gong mee kia (im staying with my wife la. na wei!! i ask you, you are living with your mother right?? wah lau weh, you ah. asking stupid questions)

following day, when i was following up on him he just got up from his sleep and was drinking a cup of milo.

me: ah pek, kia nid oo kar ho boh?? (ah pek, are you feeling better today)
COF: wah lau weh!!! koh see lu lagi ah!! ho sim lu la. wah see puek chap it hueh liao la. lu eh sai hor wah see huah hee tampuk boh. mai lai cha wah la.( wah lau weh!!! its you again ah!! for goodness sake, im 81 years old now. can you pls let me die in peace ah and dont come and disturb me la)