i just feel tired at the moment....

tired of everything. not motivated for anything.

i just lost a patient in the clinic today. i dont know why she died. she was 16. at the same time, all my patients in the OPD are blowing a fuse why its taking so long to see the doctor despite explaining to them there is an emergency. im the only doctor here man and im NOT FUCKING omnipotent!!!

i almost got into a fight in the clinic today. all because i refused to sign a social welfare form for someone who doesn't deserve it.

my patients dont care for their health as much i care. i get irritated and blow a fuse when they are not compliant, but they just couldnt be bothered and said im rude and insensitive. but yet they want everything to be hunky dory. and when their kidneys fucks up, they want specialist appt and USG renal appt ASAP. when i said it takes a few months to get an appt, they think i dont care or understand. and they say im useless.

my lab staff left for a drink at 11am till 12pm all together letting patients wait for an hour for a simple FBC. when i call them back, they blew a fuse. they think i dont care bout their welfare and i act like a slave driver. whats wrong going for a drink one at time?? cant you see that i just dont want the patients to wait that long....

i have a woman who loves me and wants me, but i just dont know what to do. im just not ready for marriage. ppl tell me im wrong for leading her on and making her wait. they say im selfish. they say im a coward for not breaking up with her. they say i am a bastard.

cant all these ppl see that im just a mere mortal trying to do what i think is right. do you fucking know how fucking hard it is living your life trying to always do what you think is the right thing.....instead of just giving in to the easy way out. come on la, im not god. i can never be sure what i do now will be right or wrong in the future. im just trying my fucking best here la.

just give me a fucking break....