Monday, March 28, 2011

the pencil....

its been a hard week or two. something i read on a friend's page that helped lift my spirit up.

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point he asked:

‘Are you writing a story about what we’ve done? Is it a story about me?’

His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson:

I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I’m using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.’

Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn’t seem very special.

‘But it’s just like any other pencil I’ve ever seen!’

‘That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.’

‘First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.’

‘Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpner. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he’s much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.

‘Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.’

‘Fourth quality: what really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.’

‘Finally, the pencil’s fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. in just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action’

source: “Like the Flowing River” by Paulo Coelho

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

i just feel tired at the moment....

tired of everything. not motivated for anything.

i just lost a patient in the clinic today. i dont know why she died. she was 16. at the same time, all my patients in the OPD are blowing a fuse why its taking so long to see the doctor despite explaining to them there is an emergency. im the only doctor here man and im NOT FUCKING omnipotent!!!

i almost got into a fight in the clinic today. all because i refused to sign a social welfare form for someone who doesn't deserve it.

my patients dont care for their health as much i care. i get irritated and blow a fuse when they are not compliant, but they just couldnt be bothered and said im rude and insensitive. but yet they want everything to be hunky dory. and when their kidneys fucks up, they want specialist appt and USG renal appt ASAP. when i said it takes a few months to get an appt, they think i dont care or understand. and they say im useless.

my lab staff left for a drink at 11am till 12pm all together letting patients wait for an hour for a simple FBC. when i call them back, they blew a fuse. they think i dont care bout their welfare and i act like a slave driver. whats wrong going for a drink one at time?? cant you see that i just dont want the patients to wait that long....

i have a woman who loves me and wants me, but i just dont know what to do. im just not ready for marriage. ppl tell me im wrong for leading her on and making her wait. they say im selfish. they say im a coward for not breaking up with her. they say i am a bastard.

cant all these ppl see that im just a mere mortal trying to do what i think is right. do you fucking know how fucking hard it is living your life trying to always do what you think is the right thing.....instead of just giving in to the easy way out. come on la, im not god. i can never be sure what i do now will be right or wrong in the future. im just trying my fucking best here la.

just give me a fucking break....

Monday, March 21, 2011

"Dont take life to seriously, you will never get out of it alive."

Elbert Hubbard

Friday, March 11, 2011

went to MBO Kuching alone yesterday to catch a movie. at the counter, i was denied a ticket cause i was alone and the movie was being showed in a "couples' hall."

WTF is a couples' hall!?!??

couples' seat i know la but couples' hall......

so single ppl cannot watch a movie isit!!! and the movie i wanted to watch (Unknown) wasnt even a romantic movie.

KNN!!!